*God tests us in the “Furnace of Suffering”. Our response should be to turn to God in FAITH for strength to endure and rejoice in our sufferings. For without testing we would never know what we are capable of doing, nor would we grow.
And without the refining, we will not become more pure and more like Christ.
Oh what a month this was. May in Malaysia. Here’s how it started.
When we (Spectacle) were in Thailand for debrief at the end of March we had talked about as a team what we were going to fast from this month. We all agreed upon internet use, and computers for most. I had a good feeling I was to give up more. So I went and spent time with God. I asked Him what it was He wanted me to give up and He was QUICK to answer. Very quick, He said, “No Make Up, No Jewelry, and Two Outfits.” He repeated Himself several times to make sure I got it. I did. I was shocked. He was clear. And so I had a decision to make. The decision was… Do I obey?
I told my team what God said, and they knew it was the right thing to do. I was having a hard time grasping the whole idea. I know it sounds petty and maybe frivolous but these things are comforts to me. I have never been without them. The no make-up was going to be really hard, the no jewelry I thought I could handle, but the worst to me was the two outfits. I don’t know why. I think it was the comfort of options. A sense of control, maybe cleanliness too would play a factor in this. AHHH! I talked to Patti about it and felt better after. I was encouraged by several people and felt better about obeying.
Why would it be such a struggle to obey a Father who knows what is best for us? So strange how we deal with things, or maybe it’s just me. We went back to the Bangkok YWAM base where we quickly had to shed backpack weight and leave things there. Now here’s a question that arose. Did God say two outfits, as in bring two outfits and wear one down there? That scenario made me feel a little better. I went to pray about it and I felt my Spirit say, “You have a half an hour to decide what’s right and to change clothes if need be.” So, reconfirming God said 2 outfits, if I wore one down there I would factually have 3 outfits and that’s not what He said. So I keep what I had on and bring one other outfit. I had clothes to sleep in and that is it. How hard this was for me. Sounds ridiculous, but it was. We get on a bus and head out, down to Malaysia.
After the about the first week of ministry came my first blog in Malaysia about being Raw… being at a mall in the condition I was in was a first for me and I was getting through that challenge of laying down my worries, concerns, anxieties and some control in how I looked of presented myself. It was a rough day.
Then came my second blog about God’s Love Crashing Down on Me and then the blog A Day I Will NEVER Forget. During the days after the fall was one on the hardest times of my life.
myself from the team once I was up and able to move. I started to compare them to my family and knew my family would take better care of me and ask how I was doing, pray for me etc. I was hurting, I was broken, physically, emotionally, and spiritually wounded. Later on I felt tension amongst some teammates and was unsure of what the reasoning was. So alone again I felt. Even after now feeling a little better physically, starting to get back in the swing of things and hoping things would be back to normal. They weren’t and aren’t. Things change, people change, we need to adapt to where each other are at in this walk, in this journey.
So, within the last week in ministry Zack gets back, things are feeling a little better in regards to the previous tension. Sigh of relief. Was the worst over? Thanked God for bringing me through those situations, and asked Him to start revealing the things He wanted me to learn from each one.
The team packed up Thursday May 21st and were ready to hop on a bus to Kula Lumpur, Malaysia to meet up with Koinania to hang for a day and head out to Singapore on the morning of the 23rd.
First of all I was having a hard time letting go of the fact that I can’t carry my pack and need one of the guys to do it. I am usually the strong one who will take on more and carry others stuff or whatnot. I can handle it. Physically strong enough to handle it, not anymore and I don’t like it. I feel like a burden to others and need to get over it. Anyway. We get to the bus station and I had my smaller back pack (a day pack) with me which I was able to carry and had all my important things in it. The large pack had little clothes and other random things. We were all sitting around each other no one more than 8′ apart our things everywhere but all near them. A man walked by our group and asked where the money changer was. We all looked and a couple people talked to him telling him where it was. I was getting my sweatshirt out of the large pack with my small pack by my feet and paused to look at him and hear a bit of the conversation. Minutes later I notice my small pack missing. Asking if anyone saw it and in shock at what I know just happened.
Somehow, my pack was stolen as I merely turned my focus to a stranger. Taken from under my feet. This is all 15 min before we were to get on a bus to leave. You have got to be kidding me. I thought I can’t believe this is happening to me. I can’t take this! Do you realize what was all in there? EVERYTHING I cared about. Bibles, books, journal, medications, cards from my family, 2 ipods, computer, camera, passport, ID, credit cards etc. This has got to be a joke. Had my month not been crazy enough? Apparently not.
I get on the bus and lose it. I ask for prayer. I was now stuck on a bus for 5 hours without getting ahold of my mom or anything. Couldn’t file a police report, couldn’t cancel credit cards, had to wait and go to God. Thankfully Jenn gave me an ipod to help bring peace to my mind (music) and I gave it to God. Worries and control. He allowed it and has something to teach me from it. He’s brought me this far not to falter and I have to TRUST that He has a reason for all He does and all He allows. (which He does) I asked Him to again teach me and give me peace. I now have NOTHING. No money, no passport, no bible or journal, nothing from my family, no music, no pictures, computer, camera, my remainders of COMFORT! GOD!
When you sign up for this, when you choose into God, we put ourselves in a position asking for change asking for God to transform us. He does, and He allows testing to occur in order for us to grow. Rarely do we pass tests on the first try. We hardly notice the testing. But when we do, the clarity of what is happening, what the circumstances are and the situations we are in start to make sense and that’s when I feel we can count the trials and testing as a joy. (at least that’s when I can) Until then, no, it’s not fun. But until then, we remain the same or perhaps don’t progress at the rate God needs us to. That’s where He steps in and dramatically turns up the volume. Praise God He reveals His lessons to His children. Praise Him that He corrects and tests all He cares for in order for them to come higher with Him, for His glory.
(this is from an AMAZING book I am reading and God is speaking through that is SO helping me understand Him and feel His love)
Your need is deeper this time, and so I have made the testing more acute. I deepen you in the furnace of affliction, and purify your soul in the fires of pain.
Lean hard upon Me, for I bring you through to new victories, and restoration shall follow what seems now to be a wind of destruction.
Hold fast to My hand, and rest in My love for of this you may be certain: My love is unaltered; yea, I have you in My own INTENSIVE CARE. My concern for you is deeper now than when things are normal.
Draw upon the resources of My grace, and so shall you be equipped to communicate peace and confidence to your dear ones. Heaven rejoices when you go through trials with a singing spirit. The Father’s heart is cheered when you endure the test and question not His mercy.
Be as a beacon light. His own glorious radiance shall shine forth through you and Christ Himself shall be revealed.
**-(fairly close to how it is in the book… I am bad at knowing how to reference things… forgive me.)
**On a side note, if you feel so led to help financially support me I could really use the funds. Paying for the roof accident, hospital costs / medications, and now replacing items from the backpack loss has kinda been taking a toll. I would be grateful to any help. Prayerfully consider and if you’d like to help please send a check to my parent’s house where Mom can put it into my personal account. Personal money is paying for all incidents. Maybe God opened the door in this area for others to be blessings to me… sigh. Who knows? He does. smile J Thank YOU.**
