This is the product of some thoughts I had today. I just started writing my thoughts down and it turned into this. I don’t know if it will make sense at all, but I wanted to share it just in case He wanted to use it to touch someone’s life in some way.
Sometimes I wish I could go MIA for a little while and use that time to study Christianity and other religions and other views on life so I can understand where people in this world are coming from.
I mean, if I’m going to be a missionary for Christianity (like what I’ve been claiming as my calling in life), how am I suppose to point people to Jesus Christ if I’m closed minded and/or ignorant about all the other stuff?
Yes. I understand I can do that by my words and actions and by the Holy Spirit working through me (aka being a light.)
But I really just want to sit and study so that I, personally, can have the knowledge and understanding where other people are coming from. Especially, without having to worry about others’ opinions and teachings clouding my mind and not having to prioritize my studying around papers, tests, discussions, etc. (like I was doing while I was in college.)
I just wanna learn. I just wanna understand.
I’m starting to think God absolutely knew that desire was/is in me and he’s rearranging my life right now so that I can have time to fulfill this desire and other desires that He has placed in my heart.
I’ve been trying to figure out how everything is going to work out for this missions trip. I have been so stressed out, worried, and in constant “take matters into my own hands” kind of mode that I have not been on the right track.
I still believe God has led/placed me where I need to be right at the moment but my focus and my priorities have once again been in the wrong place at especially the wrong time.
I am, finally, understanding what I’ve been missing. I haven’t been listening the right way. I’ve been letting the voices of the world (even the voices of spiritual leaders), deter me from hearing His true voice.
He has been speaking to me for awhile now about my situations but my ears just haven’t been open to hearing Him.
God has been saying,
“Rachel, stop. Just stop. Stop trying to figure everything out. Stop trying to take matters into your own hands. Remember who you claim to believe in. Remember who I AM.
Remember how I’ve been with you in the past. Remember that I will continue to be with you everywhere you go and in everything you do. Remember how I’ve provided for your needs and I will continue to provide for you.
Remember how people loved you and admired you in the past? That was because of your love for Me. Your focus and your life was about Me. You could careless about the things of this world. You didn’t let people’s criticism or negativity or rejection deter you from Me. You kept pressing on no matter how difficult it got.
Rachel, continue to do that. You know that love you so desire and want? The love that you wish you had not only from a “lover” but also from from friends and family? I will give that to you but, first, you HAVE to love Me. What can you do to love Me? Just be yourself. Be the beautiful girl I’ve created you to be.
Dance. Laugh. Be crazy. Be weird. Love people. See the beauty in people. See potential in people. Encourage others. Encourage yourself. Be adventurous. Love music. Love quotes. Give hugs ways. Tell people you love them. Help people in need. Love yourself.
You get my point?
Rachel, I love you. I will always love you. No matter what. You will always be my beautiful daughter.”
