As I reflect on my journey (not only with Christ, but my journey through life) I am overwhelmed with the amount of growth that I have been able accomplish.
There were many seasons that I doubted that I could amount to anything worth living for. I had convinced myself that I was not worthy of love- that I was not even worthy of life. Satan had consumed my thoughts with these toxic lies. With this mentality I had given up all hope. I accepted that the reality of me getting better (without putting in any effort) was very unlikely. (I wanted to get better instantly, I did not want to put any work into my recovery). I was faced with two options: I could either wallow in my sufferings and potentially never enjoy life, or I could choose joy.
Now, I’m sure to you that decision seems inevitable; however when someone with an unhealthy brain is approached with the two options world war three breaks out. I quickly learned that it was impossible for me to want recovery part of the time and to continue using unhealthy behaviors the rest of the time. In recovery it is all or nothing- there is no half assing it.
For several months I remained in the constant battle of wanting to be recovered but not wanting to be in recovery.
Part of me wishes that I could tell you that there was one particular moment that made me choose joy, that it was that easy. I wish that I only had to choose recovery once, then I was set for life. But without the several (and I mean several) setbacks I wholeheartedly believe that I would not be where I am today.
Through sharing my testimony I have learned that God will use my struggles for good. He does not let anything happen without a purpose. Because of this I am able to rejoice in my sufferings. (Don’t get me wrong I by no means love being unhappy and tested. By rejoice I mean I have found hope that the sufferings will end and that He promises a meaning for it). In Romans 5:3-5 we are promised good from hard times.
More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
My heart immediately becomes filled when I consider the ways that God can use me to testify to others. If me having a testing season in life can be used to inspire someone to continue fighting; or even come to know Christ, then I wholeheartedly will accept any struggle that God wants me to endure.
Because of the trials that I endured I am now able to aid others in there sufferings. I have found the joy and peace that is offered when you put your life in Jesus’ hands. I not only believe- but know that every part of my life will be used for good- the hardships and the celebrations.
