I have been reflecting a lot lately on life and God and what it looks like to live a life for God. The more reflecting and processing I have done, the more I have realized that I can’t go back to the “life” I lived before the race.
I realized in this processing stage that I never really shared the hard stuff that I saw on the race. I shared a lot of my personal struggles and triumphs. I shared how God was moving. So the more I began to process this past year, the more I realized how much of the heartbreak I saw will stay with me forever and it has in fact changed the trajectory of my life, my goals, and my dreams.
Let me paint a picture of the heartbreak that I will never forget…
I will never forget the smell of the “Trash Dump” where 100 kids lived with their families.
I will never forget the starved little girl lying on a metal cart in the hospital with death on her lips. I will never forget holding her hand and praying with tears streaming down my face but trying not to let her see me cry.
I will never forget the thousands of orphans in Zambia.
I will never forget the women being sold for sex in Thailand and the Philippines. I will never forget the empty look in their eyes, the scared look in their eyes, or the “someone please love me” look in their eyes.
I will never forget the man dying from AIDS in Africa. I will never forget praying that he felt God’s presence because no one else was with him.
I will never forget the lonely men buying women in Asia.
I will never forget the untouchables on the streets of India. I will never forget the people that passed them by with not even a second glance their way.
I will never forget the kids abandoned by their parents in hospitals all over the world.
I will never forget the Christians worshipping Jesus in secret in Laos.
I will never forget the thousands of tent villages in Haiti and the destruction of the country from an earthquake 5 years ago.
I will never forget the street boys in the Philippines who are addicted to solvent because it curbs their appetite.
I will never forget the man with no legs sitting on the street every night just hoping that someone will stop and give him some food.
I will never forget the little boy lying on the floor in a hut in Africa. I will never forget the flies attacking his body and the feces next to him.
The list could really go on for a long time. I don’t tell you any of this so that you can be heartbroken. I’m just painting a reality. I want you to know why I am in Gainesville, Georgia working for AIM.
The heartbreak that I saw around the world (yes it made me sad) made me realize that I can’t go back to my “normal life.” I can’t just go back to my teaching job. I can’t just go back to living comfortably. Trust me, my flesh wants that but my heart, my soul and my spirit would never be satisfied.
You see, I had an even bigger glimpse into who God is and now that I have tasted and seen, I want more. I want to live a life that is completely for Him and not for me. He took me on a journey to see His creations and I can’t just sit by and not do anything about it anymore. He has called me into obedience and He has called me onto a path I could never have imagined a year and a half ago.
He has given me a dream- His dream that has now become my dream. A dream to end sex trafficking. A dream to bring light into the most dark and broken places in the world. So here I am being obedient. Here I am being equipped. Here I am being trained. Here I am being empowered. Here I am being encouraged.
*** God has different plans and paths for everyone and I in no way think that everyone has to be in “ministry” to be following God’s plans for you ***
Thank you all for your ridiculously amazing support! I’m still in need of around $3,000 to be fully funded and stay in Gainesville until March.
