This is my story of redemption – a story of God’s great goodness, and it’s about to get serious.
If someone had informed me, at any point during the latter half of last year, that by the summer of 2013 I’d have given up my dating life to reposition my energy towards Christ while preparing to leave the country for 11 months to follow His calling for my life, I would have straight up laughed in that person’s face.
Coming up on my 24th birthday last August, I was facing the fact that my obsession with the male species, and dating as many of them as possible, was indeed a form of adult boy-craziness. I often compared my multiple attractions, and lack of desire to commit to any them, to those that a hormone-driven teenage girl would have. It was as though my eyes were opening, for the first time, to the abundance of single men living, working, and playing in an urban environment.
I had been living in San Francisco for a year, so, naturally, I had been a part of an online dating network for quite some time. I was going on more dates than any of my friends could keep track of, and my very social dating life began to take priority. I’d rush home from work to change, grab a small bite, and then speed walk to meet a date at a new bar where we’d proceed to drink until it wasn’t awkward anymore.
By this point, I had convinced myself that sleeping with someone on a second, third, or even first date was just something that adults in San Francisco did. It was the norm, and I had accepted it as such. But the more entangled my heart became in this sin, the more I felt I needed to prove to myself, and everyone else, that the way I had chosen to live was okay. I found myself making excuses for my damaging behavior, claiming that I was simply more “free” – in an “I am woman, hear me roar” kind of way. I didn’t want to face my guilt, so instead I chose to boast.
Come November, I found myself in the midst of the deepest form of self-disappointment I’d ever known as I was forced to face life-changing consequences of my decisions. I knew immediately that I was living out my “wake-up call.” I felt heartbroken, damaged, and alone. I didn’t know how to deal with what I’d been dealt.
I continued “dating” up until the beginning of February when I made the conscious decision to stop chasing the hearts of men (which I knew would never fully satisfy me) and focus on the only heart that’s ever really mattered: that of Jesus Christ.
After ignoring the Holy Spirit for years, I finally laid down my life before Him. The changes He made within me in a matter of weeks are so insanely good that anytime I go to tell anyone about how God’s changed my life, I can’t help but exude the highest form of joy. All the sadness and doubts of my self-worth were wiped away as God began to carry out a process of healing so great that it’s still hard for me to totally consume.
Christ has set me free. Completely. 🙂
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1
*Shout out to The Lumineers!
