Ok so when I say a year ago I’m reffering to a year ago on the 15th. I just never got around to posting this on the 15th.
A year ago was my 20th birthday.
A year ago my life seemed fine..on the outside.
A year ago my life was a lie.
A year ago my life changed dramatically changed.
A year ago my life seemed to crash down around me.
A year ago my dicipline began.
It was on this day that I told my parents I wasn’t in school anymore. Not only was I not in school but I hadn’t been attending for the past semester! That’s right for about 7 months (since May of that year) I had lied to my family and friends!
For some reason in my small and dumb mind I thought I could somehow fix things before they found out and it would all be OK. That’s a problem I have..if they don’t find out then it’s OK, but that’s definately not true and has even gotten me in trouble a few times. For one it will catch up wo you at some point. We’re told that all things will be brought to the light. A secondly just because people don’t find out doesn’t mean that God doesn’t know cuz He does. Now how I was gonna fix this problem and get back in school on my own I had no idea. But at the time it sounded better to me than telling my parents and disappointing them. That’s the thing I can’t stand is to disappoint people I love and respect. It was hard for me to realize that at some point I’m always gonna disappoint people and they will pisappoint me. That’s just one of the things that comes with living in a broken world and not being perfect.
So after we got home from my birthday dinner I told them. I just kind of busted up in their room and said “Yall can’t go to bed yet cuz I have to tell you something.” I recieved a little bit of a mixed reaction from both of them, but in their eyes I could see the disappointment. It killed me and I could barley look into their eyes. We didn’t speak for a week because our with our work scheduals we were never at the house at the same time. This is when the dicipline began.
I had two choices basically. Go back to school paying for everything myself until I got off of scholastic probation and then my parents would pay for the things like they did before. Or I could stay at home and get a full time job (40 hours a week) and pay rent to my parents (which would be a whole lot cheaper than having an apartment). Well since I had no job and no money saved up going back to school didn’t seem like much of an option so I stayed with my parents.
I got 2 jobs working one in the mornings and one at night. I’ve had to “grow up” some being thrown into the “real world”. It’s been a very difficult road of learning some tough lessons. Trying to re-earn my parents trust, struggling with being 20 and I should be able to do what I want to do but the fact of living under my parents roof so respecting their rules, learning that I don’t always get to do what I want to do because I have to work, trying to save and manage money. Those are just a few things I’ve had to learn.
In the midst of the year all I could see were the bad things. I’m back in my hometown living with my parents, my friends are moving forward with their lives, I feel stuck, I don’t like staying with my parents, will I go back to school, I miss my friends from college station, there’s no one here my age to hang out with. Then one day my friend Becca who is in high school told me one day “Ya know Rachael I know you’re upset about being back here but if you wouldn’t have failed out of school then we never would have met.” That was so true. I was so focused on all the bad things and throwing myself a little pitty party that I didn’t see the good things. The blessings in my life.
I have been able to hang out with the youth in my hometown which I love to do! I love to work with the youth! I’ve been able to spend time with my best guy friend. God blessed me with my best girl friend. We’re so much a like it’s crazy sometimes but we try to push eachother forward. I’ve got to spend a lot of time with my sister, niece, and nephew. I’ve been able to help and serve my youth group. And none of these things would have occured if I hadn’t failed out of school and moved back home. Now I’m not saying it’s good to fail out of school. What I am saying is that God took my screw up because I thought I could do it one my own and He has blessed me so much. He turned my screw up into something beautiful and glorious for Him!
It’s been a very quick year actually. A year of growth. A year of learning. A year of learning to be obiedent not only to my parents but especially to God. I can’t believe how fast it’s gone by. And now in less than a year I’ll be going around the world. That’s crazy!
