They call “Rachael” and come running. I open my arms wide as they leap into my arms with a smile that fills my heart with joy. How can I not love them? The little boy who was sexually abused, the teenager who lost her parents to HIV and fed her brother dog feces so that he would stay alive, the little girl who is now 9 but has lived at El Shaddai since she was 8 months old, the little boy who was abandoned and severely malnourished, the teenage girl who was raped by a family member. Their stories shatter my heart. I want to give them so much more than the life that they have here. I want to do so much more than laugh with them, play with them and hug them, I want to give them a life that they will never know here at El Shaddai. I want to give them a home, but I am only here for one month. A month that will soon come to an end.
Leaving is going to break me. I have fallen in love with every child here. I tell myself over and over not to invest so much, not to love with such abandon and not to give them my whole heart. But don’t they deserve by whole heart? But don’t they deserve everything? Don’t they deserve every ounce of love that I have to pour out on them? After all, if I’m truly going to live like Christ and show these children the love of Christ then I must give them everything, for that is what He gave for me. Love is costly. Jesus knew that loving me would cost him everything, yet He loves me without reservation or hesitation. I open my arms for hugs and kisses, He opened His arms for nails and a crown of thorns.
And that’s when it hits me, the way that I adore these children, snotty noses, muddy feet, dirty clothes and all, the way that I see them is the way that God sees me. He loves me intimately, and despite the sin that mars my life, I bring Him joy. He longs for me to call His name and run into His arms, and it is only from the overflow of this love, this abundant, unconditional love that the Father has for me, that I am able to love with reckless abandon, without holding back, knowing that when it hurts, I can give the pieces of my broken heart into the hands of my Father, for He is the only one who can put them back together.
