Done. Finished. Burnt out. No more.
These words completely described how I felt at the end of South Africa (month seven) after being in leadership for seven months straight. At that point in the race, leadership had become this duty, this job that I had to do, rather than an opportunity to love and serve others well. I got to the point where I just couldn’t do it anymore, I was simply done. So I asked for a break. Month eight was our manistry month (a month where the guys on the squad are on one team), and I knew that it was usually a month in the race where they tried to give leaders a month of rest. So I took it. And I’m entirely blessed that I did.
Thailand (month eight) was a month of refreshment for me. I was able to take a step back, to process through my time as a leader. I was able to really understand and hear what God had to say about me as a leader, as opposed to lies I had started to believe about myself:
That I wasn’t really a leader.
That I wasn’t good enough.
That I was a failure.
And the most amazing thing was, God spoke truth over all those things I’d been believing about myself. He brought healing, rest, and refreshment. He also kept speaking over me to lead, that He had called me to be a leader. After this month of not being in leadership, I openly asked God what He wanted me to do next. Did He want me to continue on in leadership, or did He want to step down from being a leader? And very clearly He spoke to me, “I want you to lead, but not as a team leader.” I did the “err, ya sure God?” for a few moments, but I knew it was what He was asking me to do. So I said yes.
This decision to step down could easily have been covered in fear, disappointment, and failure. Fear of what others would think. Disappointment in myself for not “completing” something. Seeing myself as a failure as a leader. And yet, this decision didn’t incorporate any of those feelings. This decision was covered by the understanding that God had asked me to be obedient, that my leadership was not dependent on a title. God had called me to encourage others, speak truth, and lead by example, things He had asked me to do the whole race. In essence, to lead but not be in leadership.
All in all, Biblical leadership boils down to this simple concept: Listen to God, and do what He says. Are you willing to lead today?
