It's the second night of debrief, and our squad leader informs the female team leaders that we will be leading “girl time” the next night. This is a time for all the women in the squad to pour into each other and to learn, as well as discuss things that are more specific to women. We decided that in order to lead the time well, we should all pray about what the Lord wanted to say to the women on our squad. I spent time praying, and God just kept bringing up “freedom” in my mind. He didn't really say anything more than that, so I figured I would bring it up, and then someone else would be able to expound on it more. As soon as I brought it before the other leaders, they thought it was a great thing to talk about. And then I heard those seven dreaded words, “we think you should talk about it!”
All I heard was nothing.
My heart dropped. I had already spoken before the squad the night before, explaining what led me to shave my head and why I did it. I didn't want to have to speak again, especially not so soon. After I left the room, I started praying again about what God wanted me to say about freedom. And what did He say to me? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He didn't reveal to me passages to talk about, or points to bring up, or words to change the heart. Nothing.
The only thing He said to me was that I shouldn't prepare. What? Not prepare? If you know me even a little bit, you know that I'm always prepared. Always. I work well with details, order, and structure. I had never not been prepared. It's just not me. But God kept saying it, so not being prepared is what I did.
What did I say?
Later that night we begin “girl time” with worship. I was internally freaking out, knowing that I was about to get up in front of 40 women and had absolutely nothing to say. I was praying and turning through my Bible, and God kept showing me passages about how He had called me to do this, and that He was going to speak through me. As I was meditating on these words, I hear the worship end, and it's my time to speak. I stand up, still having no idea what I'm about to say. Nothing. And then it comes. I started speaking. After a few minutes, I sat down. I still have no idea what I said, what I talked about, or what anyone even heard.
But then it all made sense. Women in my squad started standing up, declaring freedom over themselves in Christ. They started opening up about their struggles, and calling for accountability over those struggles. They were starting to step out in faith.
Planning has its downfalls.
Looking back, that night could have turned out very differently. I could have prepared a two-hour long talk about freedom, full of good points and Bible passages galore. But that's not what God had planned. He had different plans than my own, and He did more amazing things than I could have imagined. I realized that many times, even my good intentions and plans can actually impede what God wants to do. Am I willing to step aside, to put away my selfishness and pride, in order to let God truly work? Will I trust that His way is really better?
