It seems strange that my time with Cru is coming to a close soon. It has almost been a year now since I started support raising for my internship with Cru and now I am beginning the process all over again with Adventures in Missions. It is funny to be doing this because I remember just how different I felt last year. I remember thinking how scared of support raising I was and how intimidating raising $36,000 over a period of 10 weeks was. Now I am approaching this new period where I have to raise $16,000 over a period of 8 weeks.
It is interesting to be doing this because part of me is not worried about it very much because of the success I had last year. However, I am unsure if my source of comfort comes from my own pride or just trusting in God to provide. Part of me thinks that if I just do everything that I need to do (make the calls, set up the appointments, get commitments) God will give me what I want. The reality is though that God will do whatever he wants and by no means will he subject himself to my will.
If I try extremely hard to support myself by my strength I WILL NOT succeed, but if I humble myself and realize that God is the one who is taking my effort and producing support from it then he will provide as he sees fit. I need to look at each gift not as the fruit of my effort but simply a blessing from the Lord that he would be so gracious to humble the hearts of his people to give to this ministry God has me in. I realize this and yet pride attempts to creep into my heart and convince me that I am the one raising all of my support. I simply pray that God would keep me humble.
I pray that if it is the will of the Lord for me to go on the July 2013 trip that he will provide for me through my offering to him of giving up my comfort and being bold in my support raising efforts. I pray that I would accept that if this summer of support raising will be hard that I will still praise him for his provision in his timing and not my own. He alone is my provider. I believe if I lose sight of the fact that God is the one who is raising my support I will fail.
I even find sin creeping in trying to convince me that if I am humble I can convince God to do what I want him to do. That if I have a right heart then this summer will be easy and that I will get all of my support in. The deception of pride that lies deep under the veil of humility that seeks to control the Lord of all. What a prideful biggot of a man am I to think that through my humility God will give me what I want. How could a sinner like me find peace from my foolish and sinful heart? Who am I to think that I could even raise one dollar if it were not by the grace of God alone? I cannot control him. All I can do is offer up my life and my efforts to him and ask him to do with them as he wills.
"So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner against the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Christ Jesus our Lord!"
-Romans 7:21-25
God's grace for my sinful self is so majestically refreshing that I can take hope in the fact that Christ Jesus does save me from this sin that attempts to coerce me into submission. I know that by the Holy Spirit God can and will teach me humility in this time. That his Spirit will teach me to be content with whatever happens as long as I seek him, and to realize that even if I fail or if this summer is extremely difficult that it is simply an opportunity to learn and grow in my relationship in the Lord, and ultimately that I will praise him through it all.
So plese join me in praying that…
- I would humble myself before God and know that he will provide in his timing all my needs whether it be easy or hard depending on what he wants to teach me
- That he alone would recieve all the glory and that my support raising experience would be defined by what brings God more praise and not by my comfort or desires
- That God would continue to give me the grace to do well while working for Cru and finish this year strong
He is so worthy to be praised and I pray that you will read this post and evaluate your own life as well. What in your life are you not acknowledging God as being the source of and you think that it is by your own strength that provision is made? I pray that he would have the grace to humble you so that together we may all praise his holy name and gain a greater revelation of all that he has for us in this life.
May God bless us all with difficulties that will make our lives hard so that we have to rely on him alone for our strength and subsequently grow deeper in our need and dependance upon the Lord.
I am thankful for each one of you and I pray this blog will be a blessing in your life.
Your Brother in Christ,
Philip Lieberman
