Thank you ALL so much for all of your support! I have recieved many words of encouragement and all around support from lots of family and friends. Every little bit of support counts, so THANK YOU!! 🙂
There are lots of things I want to write about, but after careful praying, I have decided that I will write about HOW I got to The World Race. Now please bear with me as I am usually EXTREMELY private about my personal life. But I feel that I must open up so that I can share my struggles and reveal how God has helped me overcome. As I share my experiences, I hope that you can too realize that God is good, no matter what type of situation He puts us in. I firmly believe that God NEVER puts us in situations we cannot handle.
Back to my story….
Spring-Summer 2009
I very much enjoy Spring in Minnesota. One of my favorite seasons because the weather is just getting warm and everything is about to turn green again. I was living with my Mom in Eden Prairie at the time and working with The Huerkamp’s at Coldwell Banker Burnet. I liked where I was living and I liked where I worked. I had developed a few real estate deals which made me really satisfied, but I had to work my BUTT off to get them to go through. I’d pull in 10-12 hour days to make sure everything was in line and racked up hundreds of miles of driving. But, I loved it all because thats how real estate agents become successful. Nothing worth having comes easy and I knew I had to pay my dues by working long days into the night. I was also attending school in the evenings as well. I guess you could say I had A LOT on my plate. Of course, we all know that everything can come tumbling down at any moment in time, and that’s exactly what happened. Those real estate deals I was working on….yeah they both fell apart before my very eyes. One of them even fell part a few days before closing. I lost the deal and lost some good friends. I lost sleep over the deals, which lead me to lack of attention to my school work. I skipped class in order to try and work to piece the deals together. As I skipped class I began to lose interest in school. My grades fell and I was in danger of not passing. Those two deals were also going to set me up financially for the next few months which had me super pumped! I was going to be able to help my mom pay some rent and some bills and all that fun stuff. I had some previous deals that went through just fine, but those funds were quickly diminishing, so these new deals would replenish me for a while. No deals=No funds. No funds=struggle to manage finances. That was so NOT cool.
I wanted to know WHY this was happening to me? Why are things not working out? Why did I work so hard only to come up with NOTHIING?!
As this all was happening I started to sprial in the wrong direction. I started having a bitter attitude and my mother really did not appreciate that. Therefore, OUR relationship headed to the rocks as well. I will admit, I was not the best Son at the time. I’m sure you all know I am a Mama’s boy and me hurting our relationship sent me even deeper into darkness. I hated the fact that I ruined an awesome mother/son relationship. I was just not a good person at this point in my life. I lost touch with close friends and was quickly headed into the darkness. I was sinning left and right not thinking about my decisions. I would “borrow” money from my Mom, without her knowing, but I also had all the intentions to pay her back, so technically that would be kinda stealing. I drank….a lot….told lies….and even took some left over pain meds from when I had my wisdom teeth out to help ease the complications in my life. It was a DARK time. I would come straight home and lie in my bed and cried myself to sleep. No TV. No Computer. All I did was lie there wondering what the hell is happening to me? I talked to close friends to console me, but that wasn’t enough. I remember one day, I was fed up with it all. I took my last pain killer thinking it would make me feel better, but it actually made me worse. I’m pretty sure I had a panic attack and I cried uncontrollably for hours. That is when I turned to God for help. I had no one else to talk to, and I knew God would always be there for me.
I prayed my little heart out and I kid you not, I started to feel better. The crying stop and the heartache was relieved. At this point in time the Lord and I were just acquaintances. I knew His presence was there and I prayed occasionally, but that’s about it. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. I confessed all my sins to Him and asked him for guidance. I know that God doesn’t fix things instantly, so I knew there would be a healing process. I had to be patient with God as he directed me into the right direction. I trusted Him with all in my life. I felt very grateful that the Lord accepted my plea after all the sins I have committed. I’ve come to realize that the Lord loves ALL of us NO matter what we have done in our lives. He knows of our sinful ways and forgives us for all our wrong doings.
There you have it folks. I just poured my heart out my personal struggles. Spring/Summer 09 was THE turning point in my life. I did a heck of a job hiding it all though. I’d suit up everyday for work, hop in my Cadillac and smile like I was on top the world. Little did everyone know, once the suit and tie was off, I fell back into the darkness. ….
My next blog will be called “The Light” I will tell the story of my recovery how I came to be WHO I am today and also how the World Race was planted into my heart. Be prepare to feel encouraged! 🙂
Today, I am NOT the man I was last spring/summer. I have accepted Jesus in my heart and have given it soley to Him to control. I can only look back and be thankful to God that he has guided me into the right direction.
Final Thought: No matter how big or small your struggles may be, turn to God and ask for guidance. I know firsthand that our Lord will be there with an open heart and open ears for your prayers. He will guide you in the right place as long as you give Him trust and patience.
God Bless,
PK
