Dear Younger Me,
There you are.
Full of every emotion possible, but refusing to let any of it out. A stubborn and hard heart that yearns to feel something more. If only you knew what you had in store. The beautiful plans God has for your future. That incredible smile that so many people adore would be able to shine so much more. But I’m not here to chastise you for the choices you’ve made. I’m not here to scorn you for the ones you will continue to make. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to not be okay.
I’m here to tell you that the pain you are feeling now is only temporary. The rejection you face on a daily basis will cease to exist. The hurt you store deep down in your heart will be able to reach surface level. I’m here to tell you that one day, you will have people. People won’t just have you. One day, you are going to sit in a room with 49 other people and it is going to hit you. These are your people. These are your confidants. These are the ones that aren’t going to cause you anymore pain. These are the ones that aren’t going to reject you. These are the ones that aren’t going to hurt you. These are the ones that are going to help you heal that ache in your heart.
The ache that you are finally grieving.
The ache that you never showed.
The ache that you let control every relationship, every thought, and every fiber of your being.
The ache that never should have existed.
The ache that others may have caused, but you let fester.
You see, younger me, I am so sorry for the pain you feel on a consistent basis. The pain you mask some days better than others. I am sorry, I really am. Because now I see how easy it was to resolve.
Letting people in is a risk you were never willing to take. Not after being let down time and time again. Giving people access to your heart was never an option because that included your baggage. That included your shame. That included your deep, dark secrets you couldn’t bear anyone else to know. But I’m here to tell you, younger me, it’s time to let it all out. It’s time to breathe. It’s time to trust your people.
God didn’t put you on this Earth to go through life alone. And it doesn’t count just having someone you “do life with.” Having friends is great, but having people is so much better. People who believe in you and are there for you. People who want all of you; the good, the bad, and the ugly. People who could not care less what your past looks like. People who reassure you that every wrong you’ve done, every lie you’ve said, every sin you’ve committed is wiped clean with the blood of Jesus. And people who will sit with you for hours until you believe it yourself.
God didn’t create you to be alone, younger me. It’s time for you to see that.
So as you step into that room with those people, be prepared for an epiphany. Be ready for your world to change. Be available to a new life of trust, of openness, of genuine and deep relationships. God has a lot in store for you, just wait.
Because the truth is, younger me, you really aren’t as young as you think you are. In fact, these lessons are going to be lessons you will continually have to relearn. You will stumble again. You will harden your heart again. You will be hurt and you will face rejection again. But you have to be willing to feel pain, to risk it all, in order to feel true freedom.
You are no longer a slave to fear, younger me. Your chains are gone, younger me. The enemy no longer has a grip on you, younger me.
You are a child of God. And these..these are your people now.
“[49] are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” -Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Forever Yours,
Future Me
