I don’t really know how to start writing this blog. And a little part of me didn’t want to write it because I don’t want to scare you. But at the same time I need to share this with you because this is the reality.
It was a Sunday morning, April 15th to be exact. We’ve been living in the village for about 5 days now, living with our families, experiencing Songkran, the water festival and new year. Paige, Ada, and I [my teammates whom I’m living with] woke up bright and early. 5:30am. Got dressed but our host mom did not approve with our attire. She went into her cabinet in the little hallway and pulls out some traditional Thai clothes for the three of us. We cannot be wearing our “American clothes.” Today we’re going to the temple. And on top of the table were clear plastic bags filled with bags. Offerings to Buddha.
To be honest, I had an uneasy feeling about all of this. A part of me didn’t really want to go. Today was MY day of worship to MY God. And not theirs. But at the same time I wanted to honor my host mom, so I sucked it up. But I as much as it was early and wasn’t fully awake, I knew that I needed some time with Jesus. So I opened up my Bible and read the psalm I was going to read for the day. Psalm 46.
It’s around 6:20am. We have our proper clothes on. We have our offerings in hand. And we’re walking to the temple. As we are walking, I’m just talking to God. Praying. I don’t remember what I prayed about, but I wanted reassurance that I was serving Jesus and through that, serving my host mom. In no way am I worshipping their god. We get to the temple after a short 5 minute walk. We see other people from our teams also with their host families and with offerings in hand. Our host mom motions for us to follow her. And so we do. We walk into a room where a monk is sitting down, facing us, and other people are sitting down facing the monk. We sit down and place our offerings down. The monk is reading a piece of paper and once he finishes reading, water in a bowl is sprinkled over the people. He was reading a blessing for the people. As this is all happening, I’m praying. Observing and praying. Praying for the people so intently listening to their blessing. Praying for the monk. Just praying.
Then that is when it started. I felt sick. I felt like I was going to throw up. I felt like I couldn’t really breathe. I try to pray it off and keep saying Jesus’ name, but it’s not working. I whisper to Ada that I feel sick and she tells me to step outside. And so I get up and walk out of the room. But I couldn’t just be outside of the room, I needed to be out of the entire temple. I felt better. And I start praying more. Praying for strength and Jesus’ covering. And after a few minutes, I feel ok and ready to go back in.
I walked through the temple entrance toward the centre and started having a panic attack. I was hyperventilating and couldn’t breathe. And then my head started hurting. But hurting unlike any headache I have ever experienced. And my arms got tingly and numb. And I knew I was being attacked. People from my teams took me outside and prayed for me. I finally calmed down and I’m still alive and I’m well, but I was spiritually attacked.
“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” — Ephesians 6:12
That verse has never been so real to me until that point in my life.
I can tell you that it was scary. I have been spiritually attacked before on the race, but this was a lot more intense. But I can also tell you that through this experience, God revealed a lot to me.
I can tell you that it was scary. I have been spiritually attacked before on the race, but this was a lot more intense. But I can also tell you that through this experience, God revealed a lot to me.
It made me realize how spiritually dark Thailand and the village of Mai Ai was. And it changed the way I did ministry. I knew I had to fight. And how do you fight? Through worship and prayer. So that’s what I did. Picked up a guitar and worshipped. Because I believe that worship is a weapon. And that by worshipping and singing there is a shift in the spiritual realm.I also learned that it was a privilege and gift to be able to feel the presence of darkness in a place. He spoke to me with Matthew13:16-17 which says “But blessed are you eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear. For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.”And most of all I realized that I am a threat to satan. Me. A 23 year old Chinese girl. But I am powerful. Because the power and the Spirit of the Lord lives within me. And a part of my story is that me, my brother, and my mom are the first people in our family to break away from Buddhism. [To preface, I never practiced Buddhism nor did my immediate family, but definitely my great grandmother is a devout Buddhist.] And if I am able to break free from the generations of buddhists in my family then it is possible for ANYONE to.
The reality is that we are fighting a war. A war between light and dark. And at times, the war is tough. But in the end Jesus has a victory. Because if God is for us, who can be against us?
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For more about the organization we partnered with check out lighthouseinaction.org
