Looking at my calendar, I have 38 days left until I come home.
I am not very excited.
Yes, I am happy to see my family.
But I am not excited for America.
Before I came on the race, I know I was a little different than others.
I was the "rebellous" Christian girl who wore leopard pumps to church,
Who would wear a spagetti strap dress.
And who would raise her hands in worship.
I liked the occasional beer.
And I loved to go out with my co workers after work to Fridays and just hang out.
Over these last ten months,
I am still different.
But a different kind.
I chose to give up my life to be a missionary for a year.
I can't show my shoulders or knees in most countries.
This month in Malaysia is a dry month, where we aren't even allowed to look at alcohol for too long.
I wear long skirts to church.
Dancing around in worship is more normal than raising my hands.
I crave for the Holy Spirit and more of God at every moment.
I love when people give me prophetic words and visions.
I dance around with flags.
What I am getting at, is America is not simple.
You dress your best to impress.
You put on a show where ever you go to make sure people think you are ok.
You raise your hands at just the right time in the worship song.
You have to drive to get fast food, instead of walking outside to get street food at the cart in front of your house.
Everything at home is not simple.
I want simple.
I want to walk to places, because they are so close to you.
I want to drink a Coke out of a glass bottle,
and return it later to the market, because they trust you that you will.
I want to have seven stray dogs with puppies live in my "front yard".
And even though they howl throughout the night and keep you up,
They are your protectors when people try to come in your property throughout the night.
I want to live around Muslims and Hindus, and sometimes be scared to talk about Jesus.
But in the end, they accept prayer, they love you, and they love your God because of you.
I want to wear a Punjabi top every day.
I want to hold African babies every day.
And even when they are naked and pooping, continue to hold and love them.
I want to live by the phrase, "God will provide."
I want to hand wash my clothes out of a basin.
Walk to get internet.
Not care if the electricity goes off in the night.
Cook over a fire pit.
Be on the worship dance team at church.
Be the first person to pray over a possessed person.
I want many things.
I want simplicity.
This might not sound simple to you, and it is definitely not normal.
But this is something God has called me to.
Simple.
Yet different.
I have lived a crazy ten months.
I have seen healing with my eyes.
I have been healed myself.
I love prayer languages.
I love Holy Spirit laughter.
I love puppies covered with fleas.
I love being woken up to the prayer call every day.
And have three different prayer calls go off while worshiping on the rooftop at night.
I have come to love so many new things.
Things I know I won't be able to experience when I get home.
Where I will just be that girl that went on an year long mission trip.
Who now dresses like she is homeless, doesn't shower for days, and tells these weird crazy stories that she is probably making up, because they don't sound like real life.
I am terrified of home.
I am terrified of America.
I don't want to be known as the Payton before the race.
I want to be known as this Payton.
The one who jumps up and down and sings as loud she cans, and dances during worship.
The one who just loves.
The one who still loves her occasional drink.
The one who hates gossip.
And who will give you constructive feedback on the spot.
The one who when you look at her, you see a difference.
A difference that only God can make.
I want a simple, different, life.
I don't know how that will end up looking,
I am excited for it.
