Last Friday was to be my last day at the Happy Tree Orphanage for kids with HIV. It was a wonderful day for of joy, but hard goodbyes. The kids even put on a performance for us full of traditional Cambodian dances. There was one non-traditional dance though that made me smile the entire way through. It was four little boys around 4 years old, dressed in baggy jean shorts, two had baseball caps on, and 2 had these wide-brimmed straw hats. They did this insanely entertaining breakdance to the song “Waves of Mercy”; and lets face it, the cute-ness factor was in the fact that 4 year olds cant breakdance. They were so excited about it and when they were done, my favorite little boy, Dom Bunlong, ran up to me seeking approval. After I gave him two very enthusiastic thumbs up, he wrapped his little arms around my neck and gave me the biggest hug. We ended up staying at the orphanage an hour later than usual, which actually made our goodbyes easier since the kids had to go eat dinner. I was sad to leave a ministry I loved so much and yet had such a short time with. For some reason though, I felt this wasnt our final goodbye.
On Saturday our squad bused up to Siem Reap to visit Angkor Wat before heading to Thailand. Our first night there I was rooming with Jessie and Lindsay and Lindsay made some fleeting comment about going back to the orphanage. It started out as a joke, but soon it turned into the question of “why not?”. Looking ahead into Thailand, it was already going to be a unique month. Due to having a mid-month debrief, and part of our squad in Myanmarr, we were entering another month of sporadic ministry. Since the month was already broken up, we thought it could be a possibility to return to Phnom Penh for the first 2 weeks of the month and then meet up with the squad in Thailand for debrief. We approached our squad leader Stephanie that first night and received a straight “no”. But, by morning, Stephanie had wanted to hear more about our hearts towards staying. This challenged me to think more about the race and my role here more than I have in the past four months.
I have LOVED being a part of this race and all that we’ve been able to experience. Every country has offered new challenges and ways to grow, and those experiences are ones I would never take back. But, I know the Lord has placed passions in my heart and ministries He wants me to pursue that I havent been able to be a part of yet. The ministries my team has been a part of have been great and I have learned so much from each of them, but being at the orphanage was the first time I truly felt my whole heart in something. I know the Lord has already burdened me for AIDs orphans, and I am learning now that its going beyond that and wanting to love the “unloved”. During our time in Siem Reap I saw this pattern in me from the previous months of being passive. It wasnt a negative state of passivity though, but one that allowed me to follow where God was leading and put myself in situations I would have never chosen for myself. But, this is now a turning point I feel like in the race. My time of going with the flow was good, and I feel needed for the beginning of this trip to learn how to listen to the Lord. Things are now beginning to change though and I know that God no longer wants the passive, but He wants me to be active. He wants me to pursue the things that He has put on my heart.
Our short day and a half in Siem Reap contemplating returning to Phnom Penh, and not being given good chances of hope on it caused a whirlwind of emotions. It was a tough line of pursuing something we all thought God wanted, with trying to respect the boundaries of the organization and their authority. It wasnt until around 10pm the night before we left that good ol’ Jimmy gave us the green light from the AIM office (thanks Jimmy!). Back at our hotel it was me, Jessie, Lindsay, and Steph D. met with Stephanie to discuss how we could make this work. Pretty much everything we needed was open-ended. If we were going to move forward with this it would be a step-by-step process which would require walking in complete faith. Monday morning we informed our teams at 6am that we would not be boarding the bus with them to Thailand but would be joining them 2 weeks later for debrief. We found ourselves a bus back to Phnom Penh, and by 5pm we secured an affordable guesthouse and figured out some finances. Today started out by getting ourselves extensions on our visas. Then we went to our orphanage to see how we could help over the next two weeks. Due to the fact that they have a team volunteering there right now, they werent sure we could help out. This was a little discouraging. We all truly felt God had called us back here to be a part of those kids lives for a little longer, and the fear of failing was a lot to bear considering how much effort went in to getting here. The organization and our squad was trusting us in this venture and we were trying to rely on being led by the Lord. We left the orphanage around 11am with uncertainty about our future there. But, going along with the flow of the past few days, the Lord moved. Within five minutes of leaving the orphanage, we received a call telling us the director agreed to have us continue volunteering there for the next two weeks!
We stepped out in faith and listened to the Lord, and slowly by surely he is leading the way. Doors continue to be opened and though we try to get ahead of ourselves, God continues to make sure we are walking at His pace. I am so excited to be back in Phnom Penh for 2 more weeks and to be able to spend more time with those children who have captured my heart. Seeing them today made me incredibly happy and I am excited to see how God moves during our time here.
“Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.” Proverbs 27:1
