Some meet Him at church, others at desperate breaking points. I met Him in a dream…
Here in Africa we are constantly asked to preach or share our testimonies. So as I prepared a message one day, the Holy Spirit led me to write about the many times He has spoken to me through dreams. I believe He wants me to blog about it so that you will be reminded that you can hear His voice today. It might be through a dream, the Word, a friend, or a donkey (you never know!), but the Father is calling you.
My first experience meeting Jesus came when I was four years old. I attribute it to my parents’ love for me, since I recently found out that they used to come into my room at night and pray for me to know Jesus. Every night after all of us kids were in bed–we were twelve in all–my parents sat in the dining room, playing Scrabble and enjoying each other’s company. As you can imagine, that was a safe place for me. I could find them there if I had a stomach ache, if I thought I was strong and felt they should see my muscle, or if I had a nightmare. The Scrabble box with “Joey <3 Pam" written all over it served as a constant reminder that my parents would never leave each other.
At four years old, I dreamt that I was in bed and saw a demon. He was staring me down as if ready to devour me, and I ran to my parents in the dining room. I hid, my heart pounding, but the demon found and cornered me. I was horrified! But suddenly it disappeared, and I found myself sitting in a crowd, listening to Jesus. Peace flooded my little heart, but even more so when those gentle eyes turned and looked right into me. The lesson learned in this four-year-old’s heart was that Jesus’ love is bigger than the devil, and I wanted HIM.
Growing up, I was no easy child to my parents. I was stubborn and seemed to get into more trouble than my two sisters combined. And maybe more. I talked my two younger brothers into joining me and, for a child, did all that I could to get into trouble. My parents seemed more frustrated all the time in raising me, since no amount of discipline would change my heart. But they prayed and were heard, when Jesus began to convict me. At eleven years old, I found myself in tears at youth group, on my knees, repenting of everything. My family soon wanted to know what changed me.
It was an Autumn night, my favorite season by far. Crawling into bed, I thought about a concert I had just attended with my six older siblings in which the Presence of God pervaded my soul. As I sat on my brother Ricky’s shoulders to see above the crowd, I lifted my hands and said, “Jesus! I want YOU!” It continued there in my bed with hands held high, and I said the same thing. My parents had taught us so many worship songs during our Sunday morning Bible studies, and I felt compelled to sing one there to the God I so desired.
That night, I met Jesus for a second time in a dream. Sitting in the dining room, I heard Him say, “I love you.” When I woke up the next morning, chills ran all over my body. In that holy moment, I was afraid to move. But I jumped out of bed and stood stunned at the Light filling my body. What was that? Peace? I felt clean, new, and so much in love!
My dad showed me the love of the Father. From my youngest years, he sat with us as a family everySunday morningafter pancakes that my mom made, and taught us from the Bible. He stopped to explain, asked us questions. He played the guitar, and–simple as his musical ability was–led us with my mother’s angelic voice into the Presence of God. He disciplined, discipled, was present, involved, and approachable. He played baseball with us, put up our tree swings, showed us how to plant vegetable gardens and build houses, taught us games, and took us to the beach. He counseled us whether we were going through something or not, took us to work or out to breakfast on one-on-ones, sat with us in our bedrooms at night, and was in love with my mom.
When I was fourteen years old, my sisters–Hannah and Bethany–wanted my dad to baptize them. And being the youngest of the three, I couldn’t handle not doing it with them. I was ready! Friends and family came to witness our swimming pool baptism. At that time, I wrote constantly of my love for Jesus and how thankful I was that He was bringing me close to His heart. I was going to need that strength, as would all my family, for what was coming the following year.
I was fifteen years old in January, when I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with my life. Evangelism was definitely growing in my heart, especially since I wanted others to know this love of the Father that had been lavished on me. I soon met a woman named Teresa, as my siblings and I were leading worship at a youth group one night. Teresa spoke that night about sharing the Gospel with the lost and how God had led her into the nations. It was His voice and His Word that led her to GO. Instantly, I felt the Lord put it on my heart to one day go to some of those nations with her.
The thought would not leave me, which is one way that God often speaks to people, through a thought that won’t leave. Through the next few years, especially during church services, I would have visions that confirmed this calling; and God put it on my heart that I would be evangelistic. Once when the thought was particularly strong, and I read a book which totally surprised me! It said, “Pam finally relented to God’s will and decided to go wherever He would send her.” A few days later, I picked up a paper off my bedroom floor. Opening it, I saw that it was a newsletter with Teresa’s picture on it. I had already been denying in my head that what I was hearing could be from God. But just then, my stereo said, “When He calls we’ll follow; when He calls we’ll GO. We can surely trust Him, His voice we surely know.” That’s when I realized that God’s voice and direction is not vague; He confirms His word.
My experience in hearing the voice of God has always displayed the characteristics of loving God. It’s a patient, consistent voice, displaying the fruit of the Spirit from Galatians 5. And if we hear anything contrary to who we know God to be in Scripture, then we know that we didn’t hear God’s voice. But God does more than lead us with His voice; He also comforts us with His arms.Is this not the heart of the Father? He comforted me on the horrific night that I found my dad unable to answer me one night in January 2006.
It was on this night that I bent beside my father and called his name, and for the first time in my life, got no answer.I turned to run away, having no thought on how to fix this catastrophe; and when I turned, I ran into the arms of Father God. That night on the floor of my mother’s now half-empty room, surrounded by six sisters who wanted nothing but to be close that night, I was tormented. All I could see was flashback after flashback of my father unable to answer me. And there I cried, “Father! Please take it away!” In a split-second the fear left me, and I was left only with a memory, but nothing tormenting. Bethany called me into the dining room, and we looked out the window, the trees blowing hard in a rain storm that came from nowhere. It was like our heavenly Father was crying with us, sharing our pain of death’s sting.
As three years passed, I tried to be strong for my siblings, especially my younger five, who were orphaned. I was orphaned too, but in shock hardly acknowledged it. My older siblings and I did everything we could to fill the shoes of our father, to help our mother, whatever we could. My mom prayed with me and my little siblings, trying to continue what she had begun with my dad: to lead the hearts of her children to the Father. But with such a huge part of our family missing, it was a rough and uncertain time.
Though it was nearly impossible for me to open up to friends and family about my pain, I always felt comfortable talking to Jesus, and He met me in more dreams. All I wanted was to see my dad in heaven, and Jesus comforted me by giving me dreams of running up to my dad. Those came frequently, and the realness of them comforted me. But one night, I prayed with tears soaking my face, “Ican’t handle this any more! I’m in so much pain!” My tissue fell to the floor before I fell to sleep. When I woke up, it was after2:00,as my digital clock said. I felt the love of God–His Presence–hovering over me like a warm blanket, helping me to sleep. I fell back to sleep and woke about an hour later. God’s Presence was still there. One more time I woke up, but I was dreaming. I saw the arms of Jesus extending toward me, and I felt like I was in heaven. Just when the pain was too much for me to bear, He showed me His arms to say that He was carrying my pain, and His marked hands to show me that there was Life after death. And right in front of my eyes, I saw the Scripture become tangible which says, “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” (John 14:8)
God heals wounds; though I often wish my dad were still here for me to talk to, I am able to live again. God gave me the grace to open up to people about my pain, and through them and dreams of Father God’s love, I am healed.And–as is evidenced by my being on the World Race–I did end up going with Teresa to the nations; first to Irq, then to Isrl, and now to eleven nations! Even then, to get me out here, Father gave me dream after dream after friends’ dreams to confirm His direction. People came up to me, having no idea what I was thinking; yet they asked, “Are you going to Irq.?” or “Are you thinking of going to Isrl.?” Only the Father–the Holy Spirit–could have revealed that to them.
I shared this message with a church two nights ago, and then we prayed that God would speak encouragement to us for each other. The next night, Pastor Joshua told me that a friend of his had a dream that same night! He dreamt that he was building his house without Christ, and that Pastor Joshua came and helped him build it. So now Pastor wants to disciple him. Do you see how near God is when we call on His Name? So that led me to a simple challenge for anyone who is reading this: Jesus said, “Until now you have asked for nothing in My Name; ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be made full.”
Ask Him for revelation of where He is in your life right now. His very Presence lives inside of you, His temple (2 Corinthians 6:16). Jesus is calling!
