This monologue is not a literal story, but a picture to show growth.
It was such an abusive relationship. She said that looking back, she had no idea why she stayed with him. The things that came out of his mouth just ripped her apart, leaving her a disheartened little girl. He had no respect for her. But abuse was what she understood, so she stayed with him and took some hard blows. Not understanding grace, she lived in a lifestyle far below her worth.
There was this other guy who always called her, asking how she was doing, and he was so kind; but of course that made her boyfriend jealous, so she rarely picked up her phone. I took her out to lunch one day, and we talked about the man who called her. I tried to paint a picture for her of where she was, that her boyfriend was making her see herself in a negative light, but the other guy wanted to know her for who she was.
“I thought it would be good with him,” she told me about her boyfriend. “I thought it was where I was supposed to be, and–I don’t really know what went through my mind! But you know that I used to be with that man, and somehow I felt like he treated me…I dunno. Too well. I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Of course, honey,” I told her. “It’s not easy to live with someone so loving, because it’s hard to understand how they can love you past your faults. But you know, it can still be made right again… Those bruises are from him, aren’t they?”
“Where?” she asked.
“Right there on your arm!” I told her. “He’s been awful to you, girl, and I want to get you out of there.” When she didn’t really say much, I asked if I could pray for her. Her hand was a clenched fist, and I assured her that it was going to be alright. But she was so used to being beaten, that tenderness was not received. I knew that every morning she was scolded for something she didn’t do right. I could hear from my house next-door. Nothing she could do pleased him, and yet she felt responsible as he manipulated her day after day.
One morning she went to her car and saw the guy who often called her walking by. He asked how she was doing, and she replied that she was fine. You gotta love this guy. He brushed that comment aside in a heartbeat! “Your boyfriend is still beating you,” he said, seeing her bruises. “Why do you stay with him when he obviously hates you?” I was watching from my window, and saw that her first response was defense. Yeah, this boyfriend had been to prison for murder, and still she didn’t acknowledge the danger. But what she did fear was feeling the watchful eye of her boyfriend while this man was in her driveway. She remembered it all so vividly, the last time he was there. Blood, knives, stabbing. Her flashbacks were horrific and she was brought to tears as she stood there. “You have to leave!” she cried.
The guy took her clenched fist and she gave an ear-piercing shriek. I strained from my window to see what was happening. “It’s alright!” the man assured her as her boyfriend went back into the house. She continued to tell the man to leave, but he waited for her to quiet down. As he held this ravaged heart, his shirt became soaking wet with her tears. “You thought he was going to kill me, didn’t you?” he asked.
“I remem-ember it–it happening before,” she cried.
The man sat her on the grass and brushed her hair back. “Remember,” he said, “That I told you it would happen. But only once. I never need to die for you again, and you never need to be afraid again, because I will never leave you.” And he took the trembling hand and put her ring back on her finger. “Remember that I promised to keep you safe. I redeemed you and you are mine.” She laid back on the grass and gave a huge sigh. “You are growing,” the man said. “Keep choosing to trust me. Keep believing that I love you.”
“I’ve been trusting my feelings before trusting you,” she told him.
“I know,” he said. “And I’ve been waiting while your heart was conflicted. Remember that trust when the mind is racing is like getting a cup of water from a river. You can’t stop the current, but when you take water out of it, you have calm water. Peace will always be available to you. Choose to believe.”
