Before the race, I wasn’t really pursuing any real passion or desire. To be honest- I was kind of just floating through life- working during the week and counting down the hours until the weekend. I guess you could say that was motivation in itself for me to sign up for the Race. It was a new adventure- one in hopes that I would find God in a more tangible way… and that He would direct me and show me my true passions in life, a vision for the future. I no longer wanted to go through life without Him, for I think deep down, in the deepest part of my heart and soul, I knew that I would never truly be satisfied or happy, unless I was doing His will for my life.
So, I’ve been praying ALL YEAR that God would show me these areas that I was passionate about, the deep desires of my heart. With each month bringing a new country and a new ministry to partner with- I continued to pray for God to bring to light my passions… something I could see myself doing after the Race. I’ve absolutely loved working with all the ministries over this past year, but nothing has really grabbed my attention. Nothing has really stood out.
Month by month, I’ve continued to pray. I’ve seen God move in MIGHTY ways- more times than I can count, not only out here on the field, but even at home within my family and friends as well. And finally, this past month while living in Kigali, Rwanda- He proved faithful once again and answered my prayer.
For the past four weeks, we’ve been working with a small sewing school ministry. The school takes place in a small church led by Mama Joseline and Mama Paul. From the very first day, I developed a special bond with these two inspirational women. I immediately felt their loving hearts take me in, as if I was their own daughter.
These two amazing women go around the city of Kigali, looking for young girls to enroll in their sewing school… young girls living in tough situations and wanting a way out. Once they find about 15-18 girls, they enroll them into the sewing school, which lasts one full year. Throughout the year, they teach the girls all the tricks of the trade, as well as disciple them to grow in their relationship with God.
Being that there was already a full class of girls enrolled, we didn’t have the opportunity to participate in the recruiting aspect of this ministry. However, we did have the opportunity to attend their school throughout the week- leading daily devotionals to get their days started and simply doing life among them for the month. From the very beginning, I felt such a strong connection with many of the girls. I found it extremely natural to sit and talk with them about everyday life, their dreams, and even their struggles. I loved sitting and watching them sew, and laughing with them when they tried to teach me how to do it. I loved signing songs and dancing with them. I loved watching their faces light up when they took pictures of themselves on my iPhone. And I even loved answering their tough questions on faith and God… But through it all, I never really thought twice about it. All I knew was that I really enjoyed loving these girls and getting to know them better each and everyday.
However, within the blink of an eye- our month was coming to an end. And before I knew it, I found myself in the middle of the going away party that we planned for the girls… but instead of dancing around and eating the cookies, I was fighting back tears. Our host for the month, Pastor Moses, saw right through to my emotions and called me over to chat.
He started going into further detail about these girls that I had developed such sweet relationships with throughout the month. He explained that most of these girls were living on the streets- with no real roof over their head. If they were lucky enough, they would cram four to five girls into a small room and sleep on the floors for shelter. They would go days without knowing when their next meal would be…unless they slept with a man for some money. Some of them had been physically abused. Some of them were orphans as a result of the genocide in 1994. One of the girls, who I had gotten particularly close with throughout the month, was 4-5 months pregnant. Her father had found out and kicked her out of the house, telling her if she returned… he would literally kill her.
This is when it hit me. It felt like my body had been hit with a bag of bricks. My heart ACHED for these girls. I looked at these sweet, young girls who I had laughed with, danced with, and talked with all month…and couldn’t imagine seeing them living in those conditions. It made me angry to think about how their innocence was robbed at such a young age. This was NOT who these girls were.
And even though I naturally tried to block out these thoughts, the Lord was literally breaking my heart for what breaks His- because I suddenly started sensing all of their emotions and pain… whether I liked it or not. It was as if I was one of those girls- I felt everything- the intense sting of rejection each time she slept with a man- only to watch him throw her a few dollars and walk away, the shame she faced every day knowing that this was her life, the fear and worries of the unknown, and the terrible feelings of despair- with no one to turn to for help.
It took me quite a while to process through all these emotions, but as I pushed through and made my rounds hugging each of the girls for the last time- I felt such a strong desire to let them know that they are beautiful daughters of the Most High, that they are WORTHY of being loved, that they are redeemed, and that their past has been completely wiped away. That they are new creations in the eyes of the Lord… and that He is their ultimate father and provider, restoring every last bit of their heart that was robbed in the past. That the Lord has plans to prosper them and not to harm them. That He LOVES them… more than they could ever imagine or even begin to understand.
After we got back to the house- I asked Pastor Moses about what happens to these girls after they graduate from the sewing school. He said that in the past- there has been enough money donated to the ministry enabling them to provide a sewing machine to each of the girls as a graduation gift. By continuing to sew items and sell them- they would be able to financially support themselves. This made me feel better… to know that the sewing school wasn’t just a one-year thing… but actually a life changing opportunity; the start of something new.
And even though it was hard to say goodbye to Rwanda, I’m SO THANKFUL that the Lord gave me that opportunity to work with the young girls. He truly gave me a burden for girls who come from tough pasts- whether that be living on the streets and having sex for money… or simply coming from a past similar to mine full of insecurities, addictions, and promiscuity. I realize now that I am passionate about helping young girls and women see that they are WORTHY DAUGHTERS OF THE KING – no matter what they’ve done or where they’ve come from, that they are LOVED BEYOND MEASURE, and that they are REDEEMED IN HIS EYES… that there is always a HOPE and a FUTURE and a WAY OUT.
So now, as I’m hanging out with my squad, getting ready to part ways with Africa and fly to Hong Kong in the morning for MONTH TEN- I have a new vision for the future, a new sense of direction for my life. I’m not sure exactly sure what it will look like- but I know that I’m ready to dive all in for whatever God has in store for me in this area after the race. Do I think I’m called overseas forever? Not necessarily. Maybe I’ll pursue this dream state side… whether I work with local ministries at home, lead a bible study for women once a week, or heck maybe I’ll finally listen to my mother and write an encouraging book! But whatever it is- I have faith that He will only continue to reveal His plans to me…as well as open up doors allowing me to pursue this new fire within my soul, a deep passion, and His will for my life!
