Three major prayers this year:
1. Help me to simplify.
2. Teach me utter-dependence.
3. Show me how to grieve well.
I didn’t recognize until now, that the Lord has already begun working these things out in me.
Let me try to explain.
In January, my teenage brother tragically passed away.
In February, I paid off my car.
In March, my car started breaking down.
In April, all HELL broke loose.
In May, I began dealing and grieving.
In June, my job ended.
In July, I found rest.
At surface value, these circumstances seem unconnected. But with God in the equation, I cannot help but to appreciate the wit of finding the answers to my prayers in my new normal.
{simplify}
The Lord is teaching me simplicity in slowing down. Not having a full time job means margin. I am more strategic with how I spend time, energy, and money.
I am more thrifty. Without income, I have to make my own coffee and cook my own meals. I go to the library to find the books I want to read. I use their internet and printers.
Without a gym membership, I run outside or hike or swim.
{utter-dependence}
I am learning utter-dependence through a poor excuse of transportation – a vehicle that works only half (half is generous, let’s say 1/4th) the time.
* Side note: Baffled, a family member (who won’t read this) asked me why I haven’t taken my car to a mechanic… well, if you (reader) know anything about support raising and new passports and purchasing plane tickets and paying bills a year in advance and getting vaccines and making good on student loans and credit cards and rent and insurance and GEAR for The World Race, you know this is hardly a logical option. The car can (and probably will) blow up, for all I care.
Instead, I have chosen to lace up my running shoes. Dump cold water on a steaming hot bike, before jumping on. Hop on the bus and learn direction-bound routes through trial and error. Invest in good sunscreen.
I am learning to depend on my two feet, long board/skateboard (mostly sketchy and least preferred), bus time tables, and generous rides to events, train stations, and airports. Friends, IOU big time. I’m also learning to be more cautious with time. (No more mindlessly wandering around Target, unless I want to miss the bus and wait another hour in the hot sun or worse – buy more crap and feel guilty…)
{grief}
Finally, I am learning to grieve, by celebrating life. I’ve become an advocate for being bold and authentic. My brother William did this so well. I want to honor him by doing the same – by keeping it real, 100% of the time. I want to risk the possibility of stepping on toes to spur those feet towards bigger Kingdom dreams. I’ve become painfully aware of disconnection. I’m learning the value of putting my phone down and being present, because tomorrow is not promised.
The Psalmist wrote,
I love the Lord because he has heard my appeal for mercy.
Because He has inclined (bent down) His ear to me, I will call out to Him as long as I live. (Psalm 116:2)
God is speaking into our prayers.
Are we listening?
Are we searching for his answers in the mundane and ordinary?
*Photo from fresno.gov
