I write this post perched on a concrete rooftop in Cambodia. The sun is slowly starting to set, painting pinks and yellows across the sky. No matter where I am in the world, this will always be my favorite time of day–peaceful, serene, and full of God’s presence. I sit up here with just one day left in Cambodia and one month left on the Race. How did that happen?
Numerous times throughout this year I have sat down to write a blog post and become incredibly discouraged. My fingers touch the keyboard, write out a few sentences. I soon become frustrated and stop writing altogether. It’s not that I don’t want to share my experiences, it’s just that more often than not, I can’t find the words to properly convey my thoughts, feelings, and the lessons I have taken away from this year. At the end of each month I want to be able to tie all my experiences together in a bow–to accurately tell you what the Lord has done in my life this year and in the lives of those around me, but that just doesn’t happen.
Lately my head has been a mess of thoughts and emotions as I try to wrap my head around this year and the ways that it has changed me. I’ve seen poverty and brokenness that has wrecked me and left me speechless. I’ve given away little pieces of my heart each month and taken away sweet memories of those I grew so fond of. I’ve done life with a passionate group of people that fight for goodness and uplift their brothers and sisters to be all that they can be. I’ve found freedom through Christ and discovered who He says I am rather than the labels and lies that the world tries to speak over me. I’m learning what it means lose religion, and instead, spend time with my Heavenly Father as His beloved daughter.
Recently, I started thumbing through my journal from the start of the Race, and I want to share with you a few of the things the Lord has walked me through on this journey:
“Give up control and surrender at His feet. Give more than you can manage and see how He responds.”
“Stop trying to figure it all out, to find all the answers. It’s not about that. Sit with the Father and spend time in His presence. He longs to spent time with His children.”
“ One of the greatest ways we can take joy in loving God is by loving His people. Everyone.”
“The more of this world that I see, the less I understand it, and my grip on things in it loosen. I am reminded of what C.S Lewis wrote, ‘The fact that our heart yearns for something Earth can’t supply is proof that Heaven must be our home.’ I used to just find that quote beautiful, but now I’m beginning to really understand it.”
The end of this Race is on my horizon. This notion leaves me with a flood of bittersweet emotions. Many days have been long, but altogether the months have gone by in a flash. I am both equally elated and nervous about coming home. This life of being out of my comfort zone, of constant moves and great leaps of faith has become my new normal. Soon I will go back to the normal I used to know, and it will feel foreign to me. Though I rest in the promise that no matter what journey I am on or what uncertainties lie on the road ahead, I am always known and never alone.
Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you. Hebrews 13:5
Please pray for my squad and we enter into month 11 and finish the Race. Pray that we will finish strong–sprinting to the finish line!
