“I got lost in him, and it was the kind of lost that feels exactly like being found.”
I don’t know who said this and I imagine it was meant to be applied to a relationship between two humans, but it actually describes my first week in Zambia exactly.
No, not with a guy (sorry to disappoint all you out there hoping I’ll find my husband on the race).
No, this week has been about getting lost in our Abba Father, getting lost in a way that feels like I am being found in the truest form possible.
The Lord has been pursuing my heart and I have been seeking out to know His truly.
You see, something he has been asking me to work on is loving myself and accepting the masterpiece He created me as.
If I’m honest, which I always want to be: I’m not the biggest fan of myself.
And it kills me a little inside to be telling you all this. To tell you that I believe a lot more lies about not being beautiful or enough, than I believe truths about being beautifully and wonderfully made in the image of our Father.
It’s a common struggle we all share, I know that. But I am also learning that I am the worst at giving grace to myself and in my mind, I should have figured this out long ago.
Now, I don’t tell you all this fishing for affirmation that I am beautiful and enough and worthy of love.
I tell you this because I have sought the Lord this week, and He has sought me and in that seeking He has told me all those things. He has shown me glimpses of His immense love for me, glimpses of the way that He sees me.
He is a patient, loving and kind Father and I am so grateful for His faithfulness in my life.
I tell you all this because if you struggle, just as I do, with believing you are enough and believing all He says you are in His word, I want you to know you aren’t alone.
I want you to know that just around the corner is freedom. Freedom to be who you are and live fully in what the Lord has created you to be.
Seek His heart. Ask Him to pursue you and show you the way He sees you.
It’s a journey, a grand adventure if you will: this life we get to live with the Father. And something He’s been showing me is that perfection isn’t the end goal. If I continue to strive to “get it all figured out” then I will miss the whole point.
The goal is to love Him will all my heart; with everything I have in me. And if I wake up everyday with that in mind, all else will follow. And I will have the opportunity to live in the freedom of His love.
There will be bad days, yes. There will be days when my human brain remembers more of the lies and hurts in my life than the truth and love lavished over me always. There will be days when it doesn’t make sense still and it’s hard to see the bigger picture of what He is doing. But like I said no life is perfect, that’s not the point
But to me, and I pray to you as well, that all of it will be worth it. All the bad, the struggle, the hurt is worth living in the freedom, love and grace offered to us.
Loving is always worth the risk.
Living in freedom is always worth the risk.
Pursuing the Father with your whole heart and life is always, always worth the risk.
Because in fact, what you are losing when you give everything to Him, is only all the things that were holding you back from living fully.
He’s got you, He loves you. Trust Him.
