This is a story about a woman I got the chance to meet a few weeks ago. Our time in Malaysia had come to an end and our whole squad meet for a debrief that lasted about 1 week in the capital of Malaysia. It was an awesome chance to catch up with everyone and talk about what happened the previous month.
I enjoyed talking with my squad mates and tried to talk to each one. This particular time I got to have some 1 on 1 time with Jenny. We got some bubble tea! (I guess bubble tea is big here! It is so good!) We were just going to walk around and chat, but I decided to take her to this square that I found the previous day on a run. The square wasn’t very big and it had a clock in the middle. It was a busy place with people walking here and there.
We found a quite little spot to sit and talk. It was good to catch up with her and hear how her race was going. We must have been talking for 15 minutes when this woman walked up to me. She seemed to come out of nowhere. She spoke to me with a hushed voice. It was hard to hear what she said so I asked her to repeat herself. All the while she never looked my in the eye.
She was very thin. Her hair was cut very short and she had this medical bag hanging below her shirt. She had very clear English, and she spoke up she was asking for a donation of money for medical expenses that she had to pay.
I didn’t know what to do in that moment. I just looked at her and asked God what to do. I was speechless and I had no idea what to do or say. The Holy Spirit began to work, He gave me the words. Instead of reaching into my purse and handing her what she was asking for, I asked a simple question.
“What is your name?”
This was the start of a conversation with this women who we called Angel. (She had a different name that was hard to pronounce and I couldn’t remember it. So we called her Angel.) As soon as I asked her this question, she got this smile on her face. It was as if I saw God when I looked into her eyes, it made me smile too.
The questions kept coming, next I asked about her family. She said something about a uncle, but nothing more. She also talked about her daughter Sophie, who was 8 years old. It was awesome to see her demeanour change. It was totally different then when she first approached us.
She was so beautiful.
Jenny and I kept asking her questions. All the while I was still asking God the question that was in my mind the whole time. Do I give this women money? I knew I had 10 ringgit in my purse. (10 ringgit is equivalent to 3.33 USD) This was my food budget for the rest of the day. It was going to pay for my dinner. That is all I had. I thought, if only I had 2 fives, then I could give her one and keep one for my dinner. All I had was 1 bill. It was an all or nothing situation,
As I was talking to her, God reminded me of a time when I was financially struggling. I remember that when I relied on Him He provided for me. I had this small thought that God wanted this to be that moment for this women. God providing for her through me. This voice was so small in my head.
The conversation continued. She asked if I was a Christen, surprised I responded with a, “Yes.” She shared that she was a Catholic and she went to a church nearby. She invited us to join her on Sunday for service, but we explained that we were leaving the next day.
Our conversation was coming to an end. I had already made up my mind, I was not going to give her that money. We told her that we didn’t have anything to give to her. She had a look of disappointment on her face as she said thank you and then as quickly as she had come, she was gone.
Jenny and I decided to pray for her after she left. We prayed for her family, we prayed for her medical stuff, and we prayed that God would provide for her. We also thanked God for the opportunity to love her. It meant a lot to me to see her smile.
I felt that I had done the right thing.
It wasn’t until later that evening as I sat down to journal about Angel did God reveal to me the true vileness of my heart. That small voice I heard was indeed God asking me to give. In that moment when I decided my needs were more important an her needs, I didn’t truly love her the way God has asked us to love.
I am selfish.
I was concerned more about a meal for me then about this women’s needs. This women had no money. She had no home. She had no job. She had nothing. How could I not give to the hands that were outstretched?
Especially when I have been blessed so abundantly. Blessed with funds to go on this amazing trip around the world. Blessed with a bed and a house back home. Blessed with a bank account that has money in it.
I broke down and began to cry. God revealed to me the true condition of my heart. I am selfish. I asked for forgiveness. I also prayed that because of my disobedience that Angel didn’t suffer. I asked that God would provide for her that night. The last thing I asked God was the chance to make it right with her. I wanted to see her again so I could tell her my selfishness and have the opportunity to bless her. I asked that God would allow me to see her the next day. I asked where I could meet her. I got three things:
1) 9:45
2) Bus station
3) She would be wearing red
(Read my next blog titled, “Give Generously” to hear the rest of the story. Sorry, I tend to write long stories. Thank you for sticking out to finish it. You wont regret it!
