Last night I got my undies all in a bundle. I let those whispers feed my fears and doubts. Is this about me? Why am I doing this trip? Is it so I look good? Is it to bring glory to me?
All these questions flooded my mind, bringing me to tears. Why am I going?
To be honest I don't know the answer to this question. It is a question I wish I could answer, but I still don't know the answer. As I let my guard down last night, I let room for doubts to enter. I began to pray. I was asking God to help me figure out why I am going on this trip. I felt terrible because I believed it was something that I wanted, not something God called me to. This is one of my biggest fears. I want my life to bring glory to God, not to myself. I wasn't sure if he was getting the glory.
As I prayed God opened my eyes. He broadened the picture. He told me that it was him. He choose me. Yes, it was me who asked Him if I could go on this trip. But I was chosen for this long before I was even aware. Even before I was born. It was in his plan for me all along. He was the one who planted the desire in my heart. It was my choice to say yes or no, and by saying yes I was bringing Him glory by living the life he had planned for me. This is his plan for me. He choose me because he knew I would go, and He knew it would be something that I would enjoy. (true story)
I only feel it right to say a prayer to my Heavenly Father.
Dear Lord,
I love you. Thank you for this life you have allowed me to live. Thank you for this trip, you know me. You knew how I would love to go. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for having a plan for my life. It is a good one. I am sorry I get confused sometimes and doubt myself. Thank you for being there when my doubts seem so overwhelming. This life I live is yours. You are so good. I am so thankful for you. I love you God.
Amen.
I am going on this trip because it was in God's plan for me. That is all I know.
