anxiety.
a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome; desire to do something, typically accompanied by unease.
We’ve all experienced anxiety at some moment in our lives. Whether it’s a brief moment of panic before a test or a serious crippling condition that is battled everyday. It’s unavoidable, it’s part of human nature.
Since committing to the World Race I’ve been asked numerous times whether or not I’m nervous. Nervous for my safety, for my health, for the people I’ll meet, etc. And my answer has always been the same, “No…but I’m waiting for the nerves to kick in.”
But as Training Camp approached, I found myself not growing nervous, but even more excited. Excited to meet the people I would be sharing the next year of my life with. Excited to gather in raw community and grow together as a body of believers willing to live vulnerable and authentic lives, to love Jesus and to love on His people. Sure I was anxious about packing my entire life into a backpack, but can ya blame me??
In accepting the Lord’s call on my life to embark on the World Race, I’ve made an intentional decision to dedicate my entire being to spreading the Kingdom here on Earth. But you see, when you completely surrender your heart, you leave yourself vulnerable to attack. In this case spiritual attack. Now I’ve expressed this sentiment before, witnessing how the enemy planted thoughts of doubt through the early stages of my fundraising process. Each time I buried my head in the scriptures and leaned in to His presence and he brought me back to a place of trust.
But this time it’s different. I love my family. My favorite part about graduating college and living at home is being able to watch my little brother grow up. Signing up for the World Race I wasn’t concerned about my health or whether or not I would even return, but I was concerned with the health of my family. If they would all be here when I returned. 11 months is a long time. Anything can happen.
Years ago I sat in a hospital room next to my grandfather and he told me he knew I had been called to missions. He told me never to be afraid to leave my family, to trust God and go where he called me. And I’ve replayed that conversation in my head over and over and over.
This year one of my grandfather’s has fallen ill and landed in the hospital several times. Each time I never doubted my calling to the race.
Two weeks ago, my grandma was taken by ambulance to the hospital. I didn’t doubt God’s calling.
Last week my dad’s heart had to be shocked back into rhythm. I didn’t doubt God’s calling.
Yesterday, after unforeseen circumstances, I was forced to quit my job. I have a few hundred dollars in my bank account and no idea how I’ll gather the $1500 I need to save for the next year of expenses. But I can’t wait to see how God provides.
I sat at work praying all day that the Lord would provide me with peace for this situation. That I wouldn’t leave angry or upset. That I would use this time and this new season of unemployment for His glory. Two nights ago I said goodbye to my grandparents. Not a see you in a month. Not a see you in a year. But a I don’t know when I’ll see you again. When I got home, my grandma called to tell us that my grandfather had been taking to the hospital for a possible stroke. (he’s alive and well and as sassy as ever, so don’t you worry one bit about Pastor David).
At this point I couldn’t help but chuckle. And this may appear morbid to you, but to me it was so evident what the enemy was trying to do. Desperate attempt, after desperate attempt and I knew that the Lord had something great in store if the enemy was trying this hard to shake me.
And the funny thing is, all these things happened and I should have been anxious and I should have been scared. But I wasn’t. I’m not. I’m filled with peace. A peace I can’t accurately describe or understand. Because I fully believe what it says in 2 Timothy 4, that the Lord is looking after me. After my family. That we are safe in the kingdom of heaven. Now what that looks like on Earth, I don’t know. But I know that the Lord is working things together for my good. And I am expectant. I’m stoked to see what he has in store for myself and my team and my squad over the next ten days and even the next year.
I’m sure that these attacks are only the beginning. But the joy of the Lord is my strength, in whom shall I fear?
I’ll been in Training Camp in Gainesville, GA the next 10 days, prayers are greatly appreciated! I hope to be able to update and give you further information when I return.
Hillsong’s “Let the Peace of God Reign”
Oh, Holy Spirit, Lord my comfort
Strengthen me hold my head up high
And I stand upon Your truth
Bringing glory unto You
And let the peace of God, let it reign
Oh Lord, I hunger for more of You
Rise up within me let me know Your truth
Oh Holy Spirit, saturate my soul
And let the life of God, fill me now
Let Your healing power
Breathe and make me whole
And let the peace of God, let it reign
To God be the glory.
