The following are bits of multiple emails I’ve written. I’ve had a major case of writer’s block. When I write emails, I am most open with what is going on. I’ve decided to just compile bits that hopefully make sense. I’ll write a more detailed blog about ministry later. For now, here are a few of my thoughts.
Disclaimer: these are bits of different emails so I apologize for the grammar mistakes.
I am sick. I’ve been pretty sick (like bad sick). I thought about going back to America because I was miserable for a while. I have good and bad days.
I am thankful for running water, internet, electricity, water pressure, toilet seat covers, actual bathrooms, toilet paper, cleanliness, perfume, deodorant, hospitals, clinics, good doctors, fruit, vegetables, food options, decent public transportation, washing machines, dryers, soap, detergent, feeling safe, sleeping in a bed, showers, baths, pillows, blankets, regular mosquitos versus malaria-carrying mosquitos, walking around by myself, roofs, walls, Gatorade, chipotle, chick fil a, mosquito repellent, etc. etc. etc. because I don’t have that right now.
I’m tired of being sick.
God has told me to be patient. I pray for complete healing. I know that God can heal me but my heart isn’t ready for it.
My heart isn’t positioned to accept healing. I’m working (praying) on that.
His word says that He can heal me and that whatever He does is for my good. He keeps pointing me to Romans 8:28.
Life is hard right now in that sense. Life is hard overall.
I am staying in a tent. I live with 45 people in our little tent city. I’m actually really enjoying that part.
I wouldn’t trade any of this. As bad as it has gotten or as rough as life is, I want to be here. Life isn’t about comfort or having a good life (it can be though). Life is about following whatever path you are given with some pep in your step. Life is about sharing Jesus. Jesus is love.
Someone said that the more you see the world, the more you understand and see God’s love. I think he is right. I’ve only been to two countries but the way I see life is already different. What I used to care about, I care less about. What I want in life is to see more of God.
I’m finding happiness in new things.
God is already here. I am not bringing God to Africa.
I was asked how I could be a Christian coming from America. They assumed it is hard to have a faith in America due to our liberalism and “be exactly who you want to be” mentality.
I’m now entering Malawi. This month will be stretching. I’ve made the decision to not quit unless a doctor tells me to go home or I don’t make my next deadline. Good news, I’ve made my April deadline! Praise the Lord.
Last month, we were made to street evangelize. I was dreading it. I don’t do that. I believe in investment, not just saying the prayer with someone and walking away. But I’ve learned that God has a bigger plan. I may not understand it or see the fruit but we don’t need to see fruit in order to believe it will be there.
Later, we partnered with a church. We went out and stopped people on the street, ask if they knew who Jesus was and went from there. I felt uncomfortable and actually wasn’t sure how to even have that conversation with someone. I feel like Americans know how to better defend their faith than to share it.
We did more evangelizing at a college. There was a moment where I was complaining about evangelism. Then the next person I talked to shared her story. I asked her if she knew about Jesus and she said yes. I asked if she had a testimony to share and she didn’t even hesitate before telling me about a moment she had last year. She had been kidnapped. She was taken from her home and tied up. Her kidnappers were out one night and she was left tied up like a dog. She begged God to save her. As she was praying she felt her hands become free. She got up and ran away. She has no doubt that it was God who saved her.
After hearing her story, I knew why I was supposed to be there. I am supposed to share stories like that with others and I am supposed to share Jesus with those who don’t know him.
I have random stories like that. I’ve met people who truly inspire. They have nothing but have everything because of their faith. I mean, what do we actually need if we already have Jesus?
What if we walked in confidence, knowing that we have exactly what we needed and did the work we are supposed to be doing? What if we viewed ourselves the way God views us instead of seeing ourselves through the lenses of society? What if we weren’t scared to step out in faith every day of our lives? What if we stepped out of our comfort and lived righteously? What if we stopped living for ourselves in every aspect of our lives? We would change the world. And not only would we change the world but we would change the world in the name of Jesus.
In order to grow, you have to be stretched.
We have to be thankful.. always. We have to seek God.. always. It doesn’t matter if we “feel” God or “see” God. It is about faith. Faith is blind, in a sense. Faith is a process. We are in sanctification. We are not meant to live comfortably.
I have a sprained ankle, some kind of infected thing on my leg, stomach problems, and something on my finger that got a lot of people worried. I’m a mess but I’m a lucky mess.
On my way to the hospital (2 hour car ride) I was just so grateful and realized how lucky I was. I may be really sick but in the 2 hours that we drove to seek medical attention, I must have passed by hundreds of people much worse than I was. But I’m lucky. I’m blessed. I get to go to a real doctor.
Every person has a story. Each story is deep, layered and complicated. But people here are so friendly and joyful. Their version of happiness is a lot different than ours but they find fulfillment in the simpler things of life. A lot of people have nothing— no shoes, no home, no food, no family. They merely have the clothes on their back. Does that even make sense? I don’t know how to explain what I’ve seen.
These people need so much but since they have Jesus, they have enough. WOW. I hope to get to that point one day.
Jesus came so we would be able to know him. We possess the same power that Jesus had through faith. But do we actually have faith that we can be like Jesus? Do we give up on being like him because it gets hard? I’ll keep thinking about these questions.
Fun fact, my finger got so bad that they had to use my Exacto-knife to cut open the wound. My exacto-knife now has been used on both paper and flesh. Glad I brought it.
Life is not about having it all. It’s about giving it all up.
