Be still and grow.
This week was my 11/11 fundraiser.
I fasted, prayed, promoted, and made announcement after announcement about 11/11. I was sure God would provide & he did. From the day I posted the first Facebook notice until the actual 11/11 day, over $500 was put into my fund.
Be still and grow.
Yes, my fund grew and even better, I grew too. People gave generously financially and through encouragement. Friends went out of their way to let me know that they were praying for me. There was nothing I could really do that day, so I waited.
I like to be in control. Once, a friend called me psychotic and a control freak during one coffee date– yes, it was a very “let’s just get down to it” type of coffee date. Now, being a psychotic control freak pretty much means that I overanalyze and then try to control everything because “I figured it all out”– as if life was a jigsaw puzzle.
Fundraising is out of my control. My psychotic control freak tendencies work against me in this area. I can talk until I am blue in the face about what I am doing. I can write blog post after blog post about my feelings towards The World Race. I can check my fund weekly, daily, or even hourly if I wanted to but that still does not give me any control.
Be still and grow.
I sit and wait for money to be poured into my fund.
But it’s not pouring in. It feels like a drip coming from the faucet when you don’t quite shut off the water.
I don’t know how to react sometimes because being upset at amazing results is not the answer. I should not be upset that $500 came in instead of $5,000. I should rejoice that something, anything came in! And I do find joy but it’s short-lived. I’m my own buzzkill. I remind myself that over $12,000 still need to be raised.
Be still and grow.
God has really lead me to stop focusing on money, numbers, and fundraising. I need to focus on sharing my story. I need to tell people the story that God has written. It is a story of redemption and forgiveness. It is a story of true faithfulness.
God will provide me with whatever I need at the time I need it. I need to rely on God’s provision.
I need to be still and grow, even though doing so is against what I want to do. I want to grab a hold of the imaginary fundraising reigns and take control. I have deadlines to meet and I need to make sure they are met. But God is telling me to let go. He is telling me to go against all I've ever done and to trust Him.
Be still and grow.
