Dear Cambodia,
You came into my life unexpectedly, an entity to which I never paid too much attention. You were a mere thought in the back of my mind, a destination to which I would inevitably travel. It was too painful to think about you, Cambodia, in the weeks before we met. Instead I wasted away in the confines in my room, blocking you out.
My disinterest in you was short-lived. After a 50 hour day of traveling, I arrived disoriented. In my utter confusion I became transfixed by you.
I fell in love with you, Cambodia, in the little moments.
Biking down the red mud roads and stumbling upon a vibrant temple of ornate red and gold.
Discussing future dreams with two Khmer schoolgirls under a fig tree.
Laughing at a cow galloping in the flooded lotus paddy.
Admiring the way the hyperreal sunsets appear hand-painted on a tuk tuk ride home.
I have collected these moments in my mind.
I catalog you, Cambodia, in colors. Soft pinks of lotus fields. White cows, serene sentient beings, wading in fields of vibrant green. The lilac paint that covers my shoes and clothes after days of creating a mural out of mere pigments and water. The tan skin of women in the market, crinkling with wrinkles as they laugh at my broken Khmer.
Please, Cambodia, do not think that I overlook your depth. You have baggage. We share scars. My heart broke for you as I stood by that killing tree, where millions were slaughtered in the horror of evil’s paranoia. I did not stray from the path in the fields where the genocide took place, careful not to step on the bones of innocent souls.
I admire your fortitude. Amidst the concrete wasteland of Pnom Penh, I see your resilience. The stain the Khmer Rouge’s genocide left will, and should, never dissipate completely. The individuals whose lives were ripped from them, the survivors who now suffer the unimaginable, they should never become a mere statistic. Yet, I see color returning to your streets. I see life blooming in the darkness.
Cambodia, you have opened my eyes. You have shown me misery. You have shown me resilience. You have showed me beauty.
I thank you for that.
