No Reason for Reason, Dang- EH!?
My hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly trust in Jesus’ name.
Christ alone, Cornerstone, weak made strong in the saviours love, through the storm, He is Lord, Lord of all.
When darkness seems to hide His face, I rest on His unchanging grace. In every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil.
Christ alone, Cornerstone, weak made strong in the Saviour’s love, through the storm, He is Lord, Lord of all.
Hillsong puts into words what having Dengue Fever was like for me. It was a really, really bad situation. I had bad blood, I easily could have died. But even as I was lying there hopeless, I knew that God was still good and that He is just as good as He was before I caught the virus.
For the month of August we were living in an Orphanage in Cambodia. I would see these orphan kids and my heart would hurt for them in a new way everyday. They don’t have a mom to run to when they have a bad dream, a home that is just their own or a dad that will tell them they look beautiful. It’s like never being able to leave summer camp and I hatted summer camp as a kid! There are so many reasons that these kids could be miserable but they choose joy, they had so much joy.
When I was admitted into the hospital, there were so many reasons for me to be miserable, I had bad blood, the very thing that pumps through my heart, that gives my brain oxygen, it was bad. But why let a crummy situation skew my view on the Lord? He was so good before I had Dengue, why would He all of a sudden not be good because something bad happened to me?
This was just a bad thing that happened in a good moment. It would soon pass.
One particular night I lay in my Hospital bed in very rough shape, I was at Dengue’s worst. My white blood cells and platelets were dangerously low thus resulting in a full body rash, an extremely weak immune system and incapable of remembering things or coherently speaking. If my counts dropped too much more I would have been in need of a blood transfusion. My body ached and I couldn’t keep an IV. My liver was enlarged, causing extreme stomach pain and decreasing my appetite. I’m pretty sure I died a little that night.
Even though physically I was nothing,
One thing stood out to me.
My soul still felt so very alive.
In that moment of desperation, all I wanted to do was worship the Lord. Worship Him as hard as I could.
Like dancing around the room like no one is watching, eyes closed kind of worship. As worship music played on my laptop and nurses came in and out of my room to take blood and change IV’s I worshiped my God so hard within my spirit. My flesh was dead but my spirit was more than alive, and it was crying out to God in praise and thanks.
“Thank you God for always being the same God. The God that was good to me yesterday, is today and will be tomorrow.” –A prayer that lingered within my soul.
Is there a reason I was hospitalized and could have very easily died?
–Well I’m not sure.
Did God send Dengue Fever after me because He wanted to teach me a lesson?
–No, I don’t think so.
Then why did it have to happen?
And my answer is: “because it did.”
Just as my orphans had so many reason to be upset with their life situation I too had many. But through this life experience I am starting to see more and more that even when things don’t make sense and you can’t see the “reason” behind it, you can still always find Jesus present in the moment somewhere, reason or no reason.
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Thanks a million. Blessings
~Olivia
