Today, was such a mix of emotions that I am still processing through it all.
One moment we are bringing cake and ice cream to bless the women we worked with then we are being told one of our babies has passed away shortly before we arrived.
What?! What do I say, do, or even think?
The moment I entered Sarah’s Covenant Home those kids grabbed ahold of my heart. I felt filled and broken all at the same time. With every diaper change, hug, cry, scratch, fever, bottle, smile, laugh, etc. those children became my own. Even when I left each day they were on my mind.
It was supposed to be a time of celebration but it was so hard to pass out cake and ice cream as I mourned the loss of my son, Jonathan.
Then my children were running really high fevers, while some were finally feeling better and cracking me up. Later that day, there was a beautiful ceremony for Jonathan with prayers, singing, flowers, tears, and a word from the pastor. As I stood there I realized how during these 20 days with him we were his family besides his sister. We loved and cared for him. I did not expect to bury a child. All the questions and concerns ran through my head. Did I love on him enough? Could I have done anything more for him?
God, why did You let us get so attached to these children just to leave in heartache?
And He reminded me it wasn't about me.
Beloved, it’s not all about you. You loved on my sweet hurting children. You embraced them and showed them what love really is. Now you are one more who will pray for My children and watch after them. They will not be forgotten. These are only a few things I felt this month…
Heartache.
Love.
Laughter.
Tears.
Sweat.
Smiles.
Family.
Healing.
Loss.
Being Needed.
My baby girl, Jackie, was acting all gangster my last day! She was a hoot!!!! She did that hat all by herself. Oh how I miss her!!!
