The past few weeks and months have been like riding Space Mountain at Disneyland….
When
you wait in line, you start outside, not knowing what the inside line
looks like. Then you enter it and find that there’s anticipation
building because you’re closer and closer with each step. Then you see
the ride, the car, and your possible seat. You smile to your friends
or family, toss a few jokes around, and excitedly step inside, fasten
up, and blast off!!!
20 mph, then 35mph, up, down, sideways, a
long sharp turn, hands raised in the air, hopeful they don’t get
chopped off, music blaring in the ears, no lights, just stars zooming
around everywhere…….then…..stop! You pull into the unloading
section, and you have a smile that’s even bigger than when you strapped
in just 5 minutes prior.
This has been my life for the past
month, a rollercoaster. There has been ups and downs, but would I
trade it? No. Is it hard, yes! Do I not like certain parts of it,
yes! Is it worth it, yes!
A few weeks ago
most of my belongings were stolen: laptop, itouch, external hard drive,
passport, flash drives, journals, electronic chords, backpack, etc. I
have my clothes and big backpack.
Also, being squad leader every few days I work through issues, good and
bad, with my squad 49 members. There’s ministry contact situations,
there’s relational issues, there’s travel hiccups, family deaths, and
much more. My squad is my ministry.
Also, I have a life
before the race that continues. Walking through very difficult times
with family is a definite sharp turn on this rollercoaster. And the
fun adrenaline rush comes when I get to hear my 3 yr old nephew, Alex,
in the background of a phone call home, say “mommy, look, the blue sky
outside!” And my heart melts. My sister says he asks about his Uncle
Noe every single day since January 1st, 2010.
Also, I get to
join teams, as I travel every few days around the countries of Kenya or
Tanzania, and join them in ministry. I walk the halls of a very
poverty stricken hospital and talk to patients who are dying. They are
taken to this ward to die. My heart breaks. I get occasional days off,
where my phone doesn’t ring, or I finish a book. I get to have some of
the greatest conversations with my squad members, see forgiveness
happen, see dreams come alive, see tears dried up.
And I get to
have internal conversations as I walk the roads of this world. These are good
ones and tough ones. As I go to churches, talk with Muslims, hold the
hands of the dying, questions surface. Sometimes its glorious, and
sometimes its confusing. My heart and mind are seeing this world in
new ways and I am seeing my own self, heart, and knowledge in new ways. And I am letting
this challenge come. I am being joyfully free in the new freedom to curiously
desire truth, freedom, passion, and drive within myself. There’s pain,
poverty, and injustice on every street corner of Zanzabar, of Nairobi,
of Dar Es Saleem, of Africa. But there’s smiles, there’s hope, there’s love. And
all this makes me strategically wander and wonder.
And so I embrace
this journey, this rollercoaster. And I ride on. I don’t know when it
will end, I don’t know what my state will be when I step out of my
seat, but I love it. I love the adventure of not knowing.
I
have not blogged in 1 month, and my apologies. I will hopefully get
more opportunities and words to share with you. But thank you for your
financial and prayerful support. Know that all your support is being
used well. There are so many stories I could write about, and one day
maybe, but for now I simply say thank you.
In love,
Noe
current residence, Stone Town, Zanzabar!
