(Note-I wrote this, early one morning this past week… and have debated posting it since, but I figured its raw and needed to be shared)
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
My family was dealt some pretty tough news recently and I am finding myself awake at 5:45 AM (after only having had just over 3 hours of sleep), wrestling with this verse and trying to figure out how the heck is 'good' going to come out of this situation. Romans 8:28 is a verse that I know I have quoted before to others going through a tragedy and, despite the fact that I DO KNOW it is true…it has never sounded more 'cliché' then it does now. Can someone please tell me what good comes out of suffering in general? Really God? REALLY?
I know I can look at this a few ways;
a) Completely be pissed off at God and allow it (the anger within me) to (negatively) affect my World Race experience coming up and, ultimately, pull me away from God
b) throw my hands up and quit the race
c) be pissed off at the devil and direct the anger within me to (positively) affect my World Race experience coming up and, ultimately have me RUNNING TOWARDS GOD.
I will (am) choosing 'C'. To quote Jed- a friend (and fellow ou(R) squadmate) of mine;
"For every one of mine you (the devils) take, I'll take 100 of yours and I'll keep that up until it hurts. You (the devil) kill, steal, or destroy and I'll heal, save, and deliver".
Satan better look out. Period. God DOES work for the good in ALL things and I honestly do not know the reason behind this, and I may never know. What I do know though is that God IS GOOD. God is JUST. God has awakened my Spirit in a way it has not been awaken before. Although every part of my human being, is craving to stay home and be with family, my Spirit is craving to simply love upon the people and kids that God has in plan for us (me) to encounter on the race. To hold the orphans a little longer, a little closer to my heart and whisper into their ear "Jesus LOVES you and so do I". To play with the toddler even when there is not a single ounce of strength left in me-just so they know how special and loved, they are. I want to have the chance to look into the eyes of a prostitute and say, 'You are FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made' because you ARE the Daughter of the King Most High. I want to sit with an elder and/or a widow and just listen a little longer to their story. I want to simply BE Christ's hands and feet every second, every minute, every day, every month and every year of my life.
In every victory
In every trial
My soul will sing
Be lifted high
With every heartbeat
All of my life
You will forever
Be lifted high
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(* on a side note- God proved Himself faith in SO many ways this last week. The love and support from not only the people around me, but ou(R) squad in general, has been HUGE. A huge shout out and thanks to my squad. I am SO excited to see you in 10 days and then serve alongside you this next year!! Also, this past week, not only did I receive back my passport with my INDIA visa (which I HAD TO HAVE back so I will be allowed in to India in October), but I also became FULLY FUNDED! God is so GOOD. SO so so good! His love is overwhelming *)
