I’ve fallen a bit behind on blogging these days; allow me to catch you up to speed.
Last week August squads (J and K) joined January (H squad), June (I squad) and countless other World Race alumni and staff in Brasov, Romania for the first World Race Conference, The Awakening.
After my time in Moldova I didn’t feel spiritually ‘prepared,’ if such a thing exists, for The Awakening. I was excited about reuniting with friends from J and K squads and meeting other racers who are all at different points in their Race.
You’d think in the midst of my third month I’d be rid of expectations…work in progress.
Once again, God trashed them, using what I’d deemed a desert to flood me with beautiful dreams, visions and encouragement of the woman He is calling me to be.
We began and ended each day with amazing times of worship. In between this ‘spiritual sandwich’ if you will, were different sessions we could attend, think church camp style.
The creator of the World Race, Seth Barnes had a session on Kingdom Dreams. True confession; a big draw was warmth (no hard feelings Seth). Romania was quite nippy in the mornings and evenings. I was too cold and lazy to walk to our campground and sit in an outside session. Lo and behold there I was in Seth’s session.
Another expectation knocked out of the ballpark. A fire was ignited and a spirit of doubt fled my heart that morning.
Let me back up. I’ve mentioned how I’m learning to walk in how God created me but seem to waver in extremes; intense insecurity or faked overconfidence. I’m still learning to walk firmly, knowing God has a reason for creating me with girly desires.
Through my love for fashion and makeup a longing for something deeper developed this year. I couldn’t place a finger on it. After a career in fashion wasn’t all I thought it would be, to say I was crushed was an understatement. I rocked the facade of having all my ducks in a row.
Inside panic ensued. I couldn’t do anything else. I had no other desires or talents for that matter. What was a girl to do? I knew God was calling me to the World Race and while terrifying it offered an easy mask to hide behind, granting me a year to ‘figure everything out.’
God shook me to the core. Sitting on a conference room floor in Hotel Atlas in Brasov, Romania listening to Seth speak of dreaming God whispered a sweet song to my heart.
Your passions enable your dreams. Dreams are God’s design and He desires for us to dream. More specifically God said, stop leaving those ideas in your head behind. They are not your own, they are mine. Use them.
The devil has done a work on me my using my insecurities to keep me quiet. I will not be silent anymore. I still have nothing ‘figured out.’ Nothing set in stone. No clue where this dream will lead me. What it means. An even more clueless approach on how to launch it into motion. It could be years from now before anything becomes tangible.
However, I have learned truth in these dreams. In God’s own words, spoken through Seth, if it’s in your heart and it concerns kingdom, get over yourself and try!
My heart has found joy in women’s ministry. To help get women trapped in sex trafficking out. Even more so I have a desire to help them find their beauty in the Lord. So what does all this mean? Again, not sure. But using the girly desires of my heart, in some way it will involve, you guessed it, my love for makeup paired with a heart for God’s women.
Psalm 37:4 – Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
