If you’ve read my first entry on how I was called to the mission field, I mention praying the notorious prayer, recklessly declaring I didn’t want to be a comfortable anymore. Since that fateful prayer God hasn’t wasted any time to do some pruning in my life.
I’m easily flustered, it’s something I know about myself and have prayed about for a long time. I’ve logged some serious time on my knees petitioning for patience.
Lo and behold, I cracked open my Bible the other night and began reading: Habakkuk 3:17-18 – “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my savior.”
Rolling my eyes a bit (I’m stubborn too…remember?) I felt inclined to remind God I’ve read that before. I know the lesson here, be joyful through trials; stamping myself with a gold star as I whipped out my Sunday School answer.
Clearly I missed the point. Alright God. What does this have to do with my frustration, besides the fact it’s starting to kick in?
Flipping some pages led me to this little nugget: 1 Timothy 6:15 – “God is the blessed controller of all things, the King over all kings and the master of all masters.”
Sweet. I love verses that depict the Lord in all his prevailing glory. Visualizing the warrior side of God reminds me He is capable of anything because He controls it all.
Then the verses made sense. So much of my contentment is tied to circumstances, feelings, or those around me. I blamed that lovely little fruit of the spirit ‘patience,’ which clearly wasn’t dropped in my basket at birth for all my misfortune.
God made evident that genuine contentment is a choice; determined more by our thoughts than the things surrounding us. I began to see things in a new light. Because I’m easily flustered and affected by my mood and those around me I concluded I was impatient, when what I really needed to be praying for was an attitude adjustment.
“Beware of what you dwell on for that you shall surely become” Ralph Waldo Emerson
A favorite of mine, Ralph sure knows his stuff. Reminiscent of the age-old adage “you are what you eat.” If these things are continually affecting me and I dwell on them, they begin to consume me. I have been controlling these things, not God. Instead I have taken my eyes off the prize and chosen to focus on the circumstances and not on my Savior, making me easily agitated because it has become so much about the circumstance and not the controller. Try that one on for size.
As I began to mull that over, God asked me if despite every difficult circumstance life throws my way if I was willing to lay it aside, allow Him to handle it and be content despite it all? That was a hard question. I began praying for an attitude adjustment.
God also revealed that despite the crazy circumstances this year shall reap and all the things I’m daily reminded I’m ‘giving up’ that He has a surplus of new things for me to receive. They are far better than I can imagine.
I’m so thankful that God loves me exactly the way I am. But also loves me so much He persistently pushes me to change. It can be a painful progression. I could just as easily forget about the race ahead, crawl back to my comforts and reside there. How much would we miss out on in life if we played it safe?
I’m so looking forward to meeting the woman I will be next July. It’s time for some change.
