There are a particular pair of pants that I have worn since my sophomore year of high school. Working on eight years of a relationship with these blue jeans (my longest relationship). They literally are molded to fit me perfectly and have been very faithful. When looking through my pictures and I am wearing blue jeans, those are most likely the ones I am talking about.
Well… they finally ripped. I learned how to sew just to rescue them. And then, they ripped again because the fabric is so worn out. My entire team told me it is time to leave them behind. For some reason, I refused to accept this idea. I was devastated about leaving these precious pants in Macedonia while I go to Africa… well, I guess I still kinda am. So I started to dig into the reason of this.
Why is it so hard to give up these particular blue jeans? What is stemming this frustration and heartache?
Because these jeans have become an idol of comfort for me.
It sounds so human and petty to type this but sadly, it is so true.
With a personality that loves to hang onto control, and a lifestyle of the WorldRace (where I literally have little to no control), I grip tighter onto the little things I still can control.
Examples being:
- Brushing my teeth so much because I don’t get to shower as often as I used to (I used to shower 1-2 times a day).
- Packing 12 tubes of Chap-Stick (the blue kind).
- Stocking up on my favorite kind of toothpaste (I currently have four tubes of Colgate Total Advanced Clean) because who knows if they have it in Africa.
- And wearing my favorite blue jeans when I feel like I want to feel semi like a 23 year old woman because I don’t do my hair or makeup ever.
I have placed comfort into these materialistic things that remind me of my life in America.
The Lord talks about idols quite a bit in the Old Testament. Reading through Deuteronomy, chapter 13 stuck out to me. Verses 2-4 states “if they then say, ‘Come, let us worship other gods’ do not listen to them. The Lord your God is testing you to see if you truly love him with all your heart and soul. Serve only the Lord your God and fear him alone. Obey his commands, listen to his voice, and cling to him.”
I may not get on my hands and knees and bow before these pants (that is what I thought an idol meant when I was a child) BUT I AM placing my emotional comfort into them when I wear them. I am holding them as a treasure when I am having a rougher day and I want to feel more like myself in the way I look. Instead of praying and placing my identity in Jesus, I have put my identity in these pants.
In Matthew 10, Jesus sends out His disciples, telling them NOT to take any money and NOT even a change of clothes or sandals.
I think I may have read it as “Nicole, leave America, leave your family, friends, future career, but you can take your favorite pair of comfort jeans.”
NO. Jesus is telling his disciples and me to leave EVERYTHING to follow him. Even my pants.
Idols of comfort can be anything. You fill in the blank with yours. Your iPhone? Your home? Your car? Your boyfriend/girlfriend? Your family? Your favorite type of chap-stick or toothpaste?
With that being said… I am leaving my precious pants behind.
