From Australia we went to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam! Ho Chi Minh City used to be called Saigon and when the war ended in 1975, and the country was reunified Saigon was renamed Ho Chi Minh City after one of the leaders of the north. It is still called Saigon by many. The first few days we were in Vietnam we had debrief with the whole squad! We had a few days to process what we've been learning the past few months, prepare for the coming months, to rest, and worship together. In a couple of my plane letter going into month 3 people wrote bout breakin chains, and bout boldness, and to letting my roots go deep into Christ.
Thought I know that I am loved, I have struggled with feeling preferred. Part of the problem is that that kind of thinking comes from comparison, and when I am comparing I'm not bein a first rate version of myself, we are each created individual. Often it isn't that I don't feel wanted, but that people would normally rather others over me. It also comes from feelin I have to be strong and it's hard for me to tell people when I need help or support, and the walls that creates. Then, during worship one night on the roof God told me that He preferred me! And God prefers us in the way that only He can, He can prefer each of us at the same time and mean it! And of course I started crying…which I hate doing around people. Then someone said to raise your hand if you wanted prayer, and though I wanted to I didn't, and then it was to late because everyone was already in groups prayin over people. But then 2 of the ladys on my squad came over to me, they had been making declarations and so didn't know what was goin on, and they asked me. I told them, and without hesitation they asked me what I wanted prayer for. So I explained to them what God had told me, and what it meant to me, and they said ok, now you're going to make a declaration…meaning they wanted me to yell [i wanted to say sing out, but im afraid many of you will think that means i was actually singing haha] off the roof top. This was hard for me, because to me it was like sharing with everyone part of my weakness [ and of course everyone was listenin, not, haha], but that's also why it was so important, to speak that truth, to declare it! God spoke the world into being, and created us in His image, so my words have power [also somethin God has been teachin me], so I have to use them. So I yelled off the roof top “God prefers me!” Through the month I also learned more about preferring others, what that looks like, and being less selfish.
We refer to the squad as our family, as brothers and sisters, and on the last night of debrief we were worshipping on the roof, and all the ladys stood in a circle and our brothers went around and spoke truth over each of us, and the value we have, spoke life over us, and if they had a word for us shared it. A couple of the guys spoke joy over me, and the beautiful thing of joy is it isn't related to circumstance and emotion like happyness. And then one of the guys had a word for me that I need to allow God to comfort me, though He may not be here physically to hold me, He is able to do far more because of that. Physical touch is one of my love language and so when I'm hurting I often want someone to just hold me, but I have trouble askin for that. And then i feel bad for seeking comfort outside of God -an I knows He gives us each other, but He is still my comforter.
love an cheers b'ys!
