The brokenness in Haiti is real. God’s love is also real.
So real that He sent His only son, Jesus, to save and accept judgement in the sinner’s place.
Sin is inevitable. There is a lot of darkness, oppression, and spiritual warfare in life. There is also a lot of mercy, compassion, and joy that sweeps across nations. Hate and Love are discovered as interchangeable in the world. It is a battle, and we all are caught in it whether we realize it or not because the world is broken. Hate eats up hope and faith produces Love. Every single day we are faced with the choice to act with hate or with love. We all get the choice daily to choose death or to choose life.
A good friend of mine while in college had a tattoo across his chest that read:
“Hate the sin. Love the sinner.“
Since our team arrived in Port-au-Prince, I have felt the weight of depravity. The weight of loss that stems from a hurricane in 2010. The darkness of depression marked on faces I pass daily on dusty gravel roads. The bondage of poverty displayed amongst the rock and cement homes of Haiti. Stacks on stacks of homes that are balancing on severe underdevelopment to the lavishness of wealth. It has been hard to hinder my anger against the oppression and hold back my “Why God?“
I experienced the worst day of my life on the field this past Saturday. It has been a struggle for me to crawl out of the fear the enemy wants so badly to box me in. I had awoken at 3:30 a.m. startled to the point of terror.
As the curtain of our window moved, I laid there convinced my mind was surely playing tricks on me. Tired, I stood to my feet, hoping that the something behind the window in the pitch black was a mere fabrication of my imagination (being a creative, I usually believe these sort of scenarios are just a product of inventiveness or a filtration of a horror movie scene from the past).
I abruptly opened the curtain, to find a dark outline of someone staring at me through the bars of the window. In shock, I flew back to the floor in terror and screamed in agonizing fear. The women on my team all awoke as we panicked at what to do. I grabbed my headlamp and searched for the intruder behind the bars, but it was safe to say my scream scared him off. We went down the hall of the orphanage to retrieve Justin, our team leader, and search for solace. Justin checked all the rooms and stayed with us until morning. We sat praying for one another, for the man who was at our window, and for our protection before attempting to go back to sleep.
But I could not go back to sleep.
Feeling sick to my stomach, my mind raced until it was light outside. As I read, processed, and prayed over one of the scariest encounters with fear on the race – God’s promises calmed my soul.
‘Whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm.’
–Proverbs 1:33
‘For He guards the course of the just and protects the way of His faithful ones.’
–Proverbs 2:8
God is Protector.
God is Healer.
God will never leave me or forsake me.
God will always be there.
God is with me.
The intruder behind the curtain confessed to our team face to face the next morning. We knew him and with his confession we understood that we were actually never in any danger. Despite clarity, we were all still shaken up after enduring a restless night in an unfamiliar place. As our team walked to breakfast, I was sharing my heavy thoughts with Eric about the previous five hours and was met with yet another alarming sight. Three men drove by on a motorbike, the middle one was covered in blood slumped back into the arms of another as the driver blared his horn causing us all to look and witness a man appearing to be dead. The after-image of the blood stained shirt from multiple gun shot wounds and the bloody hands of another as that man died sent me spiraling to the ground in tears.
The reality of death.
The reality that this is a broken world.
The reality that the enemy wants to kill, steal, and destroy.
‘The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.‘ -John 10:10
Sin sucks. It can suck the life right out of us if we let it. It is hard to deal with and it is messy. Being away from comfort and living in the unknown can be incredibly taxing. I have to constantly check my thought life – Taking every thought captive and bringing all my fears to the Lord as I see them face to face daily. I have to lay them at His feet. I must depend and rely on the Lord for strength in weakness. This includes any feelings of fear, whether they are placed there because of events in my past or by startling encounters with others that may be tough to forgive.
We are to hate the sin, but we must witness to and love the sinner.
The world is broken and Haiti is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Seeing horrible things and experiencing the weight of sin is super shitty. It just is. However, I believe it is in the brokenness that we have the decision to choose life. I desire to choose daily to live my life loving people no matter where they are at.
‘Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before Him He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.’
–Hebrews 12:1-3
