Reading my Bible has always been something that I’ve been drawn to throughout my life. When I was growing up, I loved to read the Old Testament stories like Joseph, King David, Daniel, and such. Even in my high school years, when I wasn’t necessarily walking with the Lord, I would enjoy reading stories from the Bible. And so when I entered college and began pursuing my faith and recommitting my life to Jesus, I grew to love reading my Bible all the more and studying it more in depth. The Word has now become one of the main ways that I connect with the Lord and hear from Him.
And being on the Race has only deepened that connection I have with the Lord through the Scriptures. I’m a person who likes to read a hard-copy so I didn’t bring any Kindle or Nook or whatever else on the Race and I didn’t want to lug around several hard-copies so the only book I have is my Bible. So if I want to read anything, it has to be my Bible, regardless of whether I want to read it or not (yes, there are times that I don’t want to be in His Word…sinful, I know…thank God for grace). While there have been moments where it’s been hard not to read a different book, spending more time in my Bible has, for the most part, strengthened my faith and relationship with my Lord. And I repeat…for the most part.
Something that God’s been showing me for the last several years, is that I can take anything (regardless of how spiritual or righteous it may be) and make it sinful by making it about me. I’ve done that through singing praises to God, where I should be thanking Him for who He is and glorifying Him with my words, but instead having it be about making me feel good and going through the motions with it. I’ve gone through focusing too much on my personal journey with the Lord that I become so selfish as to forget to see the body of Christ that I’m a part of and the work He is doing through them as well. And yes, I’ve also made reading my Bible to be about me…and therefore, sinful.
I’ve been in my Bible a lot this past month and a half or so. Normally I am going through a couple of books at a time, but after spending a month in Mozambique with our contact there, he really inspired me to investigate things in the Word a little more. And so I added studying the Law/Torah along with the book of Hebrews to my daily reading of going through a gospel, reading a Psalm, tackling one of Paul’s letters, and maybe a Proverb here and there if I feel up to it. But even despite all this time I’ve been in the Word, I haven’t felt that close with the Lord this past month. I know I walked through a lot of sin in Mozambique with God convicting me along the way, but I haven’t heard Him speak to me through His Word as He’s done in the past. And what I realized at the beginning of this month was that my Bible reading was about me and not about God.
You see I had used a tool that allows me to connect with God and made it about obtaining more knowledge of Him rather than deeper intimacy with Him. I was reading my Bible more as a textbook rather than the living Word of God. I had made God more of a subject to gather more knowledge in rather than seeing Him as my Father…a person that I have a relationship with. And so I was led to do something that almost seemed unbiblical…I stopped reading my Bible.
Granted it was only for a week, but it was still very hard for me to be okay with it and trust that God was leading me. I mean, I’m a Christian…I’m supposed to be reading my Bible. But I felt this strong pull from the Lord to give it up and refocus on my relationship with God. So rather than studying my Bible, I took the week and focused on prayer and talking with my Father. Now I know that I can make prayer about me just as easily as I can make reading my Bible about me, but that week was so refreshing for me and my relationship with God. I wasn’t focused anymore on “studying” God. I was just “being” with God. And that’s a place that I never want to leave.
Thank you for all your prayers and support! I wouldn’t be at the place I’m at without you guys (or more accurately, without the ways God has used you guys). Love you all!
