So if I could pinpoint the thing that God most grew in me during this past month in Peru it would be recognizing the man of God that I am and that He is continually creating me to be and then acting/living boldly in that knowledge. I’ve heard numerous times from fellow teammates/squadmates that God has made me wild at heart and that He made me to be a man willing to take risks and step into uncomfortable situations that requires nothing less than complete and total dependence on Him. God has big plans for me and will use me mightily if I am willing to step into that which He is calling me into. And as a whole, that’s really hard for me to accept because I’ve spoken so much death over myself under the pretense of being humble.
Humility has always been a virtue that I’ve valued in large part because it was something that was taught to me throughout my childhood. I always tried to not over-boast in myself and to never gloat over my victories for fear of becoming prideful and stuck up. In fact, I would normally take the opposite extreme and always focus on my weaknesses and failures rather than my strengths and virtues and how Christ was working in me because that would “prevent” me from becoming prideful. To me, pride was thinking highly of yourself and humility was thinking lowly of yourself. A verse I would always use to help solidify this notion comes in Philippians where Paul writes…
“Do nothing our of selfish-ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,…” Philippians 2:3
Value others above yourselves. Okay, that means everyone else is more valuable than me and has more things to offer than I do and just simply does things better than I do. And to me, that was humility. But lately I’ve begun to see that as a lie that the devil has been growing inside of me this whole time to keep me from fully embracing all that God has for me.
One of the things that my teammate, Justin, told me that I really like was that humility, at least from a Christian standpoint, has nothing to do with thinking less about yourself; it has everything to do with thinking about yourself less. Because when you are thinking less about yourself, you’re still ultimately thinking about yourself. And God doesn’t call us to fix our minds on ourselves or anything else but Him. So even when I’m trying to avoid pride by thinking lowly of myself, I’m still being prideful because the ultimate focus is on myself rather than God.
And what I’ve been learning lately is that there is a righteous pride that brings glory to the Lord. In the past, I’ve always considered taking pride in something and boasting in something as bad and sinful things. But that’s only if that “something” is anything other than God. God actually wants us to take pride in Him and boast in Him because then we are acknowledging what He has done for us and the work that He is doing through us. And all that brings glory to Him. As it says in Jeremiah…
“This is what the Lord says: “Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches, but let the one who boasts boast about this: that they have understanding to know me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,” declares the Lord.” Jeremiah 9: 23-24
When I’m not acknowledging that the same power of the Spirit that raised Christ from the dead lives in me or when I fail to realize all that God is working in me and growing in me, then I’m in a sense spitting on the cross because I’m saying the cross wasn’t good enough for me. The cross was only good enough to save me, but it doesn’t have the power to make me a new creation or equip me to bring about His Kingdom work or bring about the man of God that I was created to be. That may sound harsh and overdramatic, but it’s true. And when I think of it in that light, it stings and hurts and humbles me to think of how much I limit God and His power.
But I feel God’s beginning to change and grow me in this. Christ is at work in me and He is using me to bring about His Kingdom to a fallen world. And those aren’t things I have to shy away from. I can stand with confidence and boldness and proclaim all the mighty works that He is doing in and through me because ultimately I know it’s not anything of me that is accomplishing these works, but simply the work of Christ in me. I can boast and take pride in the Lord and what He is doing in me. And that’s a freeing thing because now I’m no longer crippling myself from stepping into what God has planned for me by speaking death over myself and focusing on my weaknesses/failures all the time. I do feel there is a time and place to recognize my shortcomings and confess them to the Lord, but that shouldn’t keep me from acknowledging the work He has done in me. Because when I start dwelling on Christ’s work in me, then I’m more confident and bold in the person God has made me and the strengths He has given me. And with that, comes more opportunities for God to use me to reach out to others and encourage others and bring about His Kingdom wherever I’m at. And those opportunities are what I’m searching for and asking the Lord to strengthen me for. I pray the Lord will continue to develop this in me.
