For the past couple of weeks I've been studying the book of Judges and for the most part it's been a very gloomy experience as I've realized just how closely my life reflects the cycle of rejecting God, being overcomed with trials and shame, crying out to God, and being graciously rescued only to find myself shortly afterwards rejecting God again and restarting the cycle. It can be so easy for me to look at Israel's history and be amazed at how stupid a nation can be to continuously reject the God that has been faithful to them all along only to realize that my life is no different. How often do I find myself continuously struggling with habitual sin like pride or lust or bitterness or selfishness or envy? (I could go on, but then this blog would go on forever) How many times have I cried out to God and tasted and experienced His amazing grace and forgiveness only to reject Him at the next opportunity?
But the saddest part is that I already know all the sins I commit are just that: SIN. When I'm bitter towards someone who's wronged me, it's not just me seeking retribution for myself: it's SIN. When I'm lusting over a material possession or another person, it's not just me casually fantasizing: it's SIN. And sin is detestable to God. It grieves Him everytime I commit sin, regardless of what form it takes. It's why Adam and Eve were kicked out of the Garden of Eden; God can't dwell amongst a sinful people because of His holy nature. It's why Jesus needed to die on the cross for my sins in order for me to have a relationship with Him. And yet despite this knowledge, I still willingly choose my sinful self over the One who is perfect and righteous and has graciously covered over all my sins.
So what does this have to do with the World Race? It's the fact that regardless of all my flaws and doubt and timidness, God still chooses people like me to be apart of His Kingdom work here on this earth. One of my favorite stories in the Bible is the story of Gideon. Gideon lived during a time when Midian oppressed Israel. Gideon was a timid and uncertain man, who constantly second-guessed himself (much like myself). He came from a clan that was the weakest in Manasseh and he was the least in his family; not exactly the type of person you'd expect leading God's people against a brutal and strong Midianite army. Yet that's who God chose and despite Gideon's numerous responses that revealed his lack of faith, God used him to perform His work. And not only that, but he was also commended for his faith hundreds of years later in the book of Hebrews.
These past couple of weeks, I've really struggled with a lot of sin in my life. (Not that there's ever a time I don't, but it's felt more apparent) At times I struggle with how God could ever use someone like me to handle the most important responsibility this world has to offer: God's Kingdom work. When I think about the commitment I've made to take the good news to people all over the world, I can't help but question if I'm fit for what God's calling me to. And the answer is I'm not fit; I'm weak and timid, just like Gideon. I am the wrong man for the job. But the thing is, it's not about me and my attributes. It's about God and His character and His works being demonstrated through me by His grace. His power is made perfect in my weakness. All it takes is faith (regardless of how big/small it is) and a willingness to let God work through you (despite whatever doubts you may have). It's what Gideon had and I pray that as I continue my journey on the World Race, it's what I can have as well.
