I have found it difficult to begin to explain to others what I am feeling in this moment of my life. There have been the questions of “Aren’t you afraid?” “Are you nervous?” “What about Ebola?”. Though, even through the more ridiculous of questions, I find even the simple ones to be weighing on me. In short, I am in awe. God has wrecked me once again and I am left to wrap my mind around all the greatness that is happening in my life in this moment. I am living a life I yelled out to God for years ago in prayer when prayer was the only thing to hold onto in my life.
Surprisingly, it is no lie when pastors preach, your parents back up, and you have constantly been told, “In Gods good timing” because in all truth, God has a way of giving you all you want, all you need, and all you have prayed for when the time is right. He has given us life, why would he want to see us not fulfill our wildest dreams? He leaves nothing out in our lives and no prayer unanswered. it may not be that exact moment when we yell out for him in prayer but he knows the events in our lives that will lead us closer to him, lead others closer to him, and strengthens our faith.
As I look back to the moments that tested my faith and beaten me to my core I am forever thankful that his timing has proven (yet again) to be more than anything I could ever ask for. He proves, through our best and our worst, that he is in control of every moment and situation we may go through. In this moment I am in the exact place of my life he has called me to be in.
Starting the journey to go out into the nations I am realizing there will and always will be things that go wrong, go very right, and things that are better left in a timing far greater than myself. I am weak when I am called to be weak and strong when called to be strong. He has allowed me to find a peace in the bad times as much as the good. He proves present in our lives even in the moments our prayers grow with rage and our voice trembles with need. Yet I know a God who’s grace proves able even when I am not.
Wrapping my mind around the prayers being answered and my life being changed in all the right ways, I continue to have faith that the prayers I speak today and the hopes and dreams that I still have will all unfold as I continue to grow and become mindfull of all that is to come and the plans that are ahead for me.
