“Post Training Camp Stress Disorder” (PTCSD) (n): A state of spirit and mind that frequently affects World Racers in the period of time between Training Camp and Launch.
So life since Training Camp has been a roller coaster of thoughts, emotions, work, and deadlines. Praise God I was Launch funded near the end of November, so that was one stressor off my mind. But the enemy has been trying to throw me off balance and lose my focus ever since we drove off from Training Camp to the airport. Sometimes just a light nagging that was relatively easy to “shake it off” (no I don’t like Taylor Swift, but I couldn’t help thinking of the song as typing the sentence.), sometimes an all-out war for my focus and identity. But regardless of the severity or method, it always boiled down the same.
He would try to get me to feel like I needed to do more for God. “Tell more people about Jesus. Pray for more people. Now that I’ve been set free, I need to get out there and be like the “super Christians” that I admire. Not letting a single person walk past me without stopping to talk to them.” While there probably is a sliver of truth in there, he was STILL trying to get me to take my focus off Jesus and my relationship with Him and redirect it onto myself. “You should go talk to/pray for that person” then start pumping fear into my mind “But what if they don’t get healed on the spot” “What if they don’t want to hear about God” “What if….what if….what if….” So I would let a potential opportunity slip by, only to be met on the other side by “How can you call yourself a Christian.” “You don’t have the love of God in you, your still living in fear.” ” Do you really believe everything you say you believe” “You’ll never amount to anything. Every time God gives you an opportunity, you chicken out.”
By God’s grace, what I finally realized is that this is the EXACT same F***in lie process that he used to immobilize me while I was still living in lust!! Try to get me to do something, then beat me up for doing, or in this case, not doing it. Same turd. Different wrapping paper….. Only one monumental difference this time around. I’m free. He’s tried to get me to live in a prison cell that has no door on it! And instead of running to porn to help me feel better, by His grace, I have the sound mind (2 Tim. 1:7) to run to my Father. What the enemy intended for evil, God used for good. Instead of driving me away from God and family into seclusion, he drove me RIGHT into grace! Into my Father’s loving arms!! And He was always there to carry me when I felt like I couldn’t keep going. All I need. All I want. Is more of Him. His Presence. His Spirit. I don’t just wanna know about Jesus. I want to know Jesus! I don’t just wanna hear about the Holy Spirit, I want to hear the Spirit’s voice! By His grace and love, I will not live in fear! In Christ, I am Loved, Embraced, Accepted, Forgiven, Chosen, A Son. The enemy’s still gonna push back, but he’s already defeated. If God is for us, who gives a crap whose against us?
10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,[c] against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints. Ephesians 6:10-18
