I meet with a group of men on a weekly basis. The aim of our gathering is to simply engage with God, to fix our hearts on Him and grow in our understanding of what it means to actually and naturally interact with Him. At the beginning of our meeting one Tuesday night five or six weeks ago, the man who leads the group said, "Well, tonight we're just going to worship the Lord for about an hour or an hour and a half."
This sounded great to me. I really like to worship. He then stood up from his seat, presumably to pick up his guitar or to put some worship music on the stereo. Instead of doing that, though, he turned his gaze upward and simply began to praise God. At that point I realized that there would be no accompanying music or hand-holding into the presence of the Lord. "Oh no!" I thought. "An hour and a half of unstructured, non-directed worship without even the backdrop of music to fill the silence and inform my praise?"
What went on inside of me in that moment was enlightening and quite exposing. After about 60 seconds of panic, it hit me: the reality is that Jesus is in the Father and I am in Him and He is in me…God has made His home with me and there is no need for an intermediary or guide into His presence. No need to panic! Every reason to celebrate!
The next 80 minutes was a wonderful time of intimate interaction with the Lover of my soul. Looking back it was also a time of great encouragement; I can, at any time, turn my eyes to Jesus and celebrate the reality of who He is and what He's done! My heart has a song to sing!
The last two weeks have been rough. The Holy Spirit has brought new life to James 1:2-4 in my heart as the days have passed. At the same time He's pointed me back to that night and the encouragement he offered therein.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."
Count it joy. In the midst of trials I can turn my gaze to Him and simply and naturally engage with him. When things aren't going my way I can rejoice in who He is, His faithfulness, and what He's done. In the moment/day/season of frustration, disappointment, anger, impatience, and/or offense I can turn my eyes to Jesus and bask in His love and mercy and life and the reality of Him in me and me in Him, and us in the Father!
The Lord has made it clear to me that these months that lead up to my World Race departure are to be a time of preparation – a preparation of the heart. Surely the 11 months that I spend ministering will be full of new and varied trials, so I am wanting to receive the training now that will help me then. But what does "preparation" mean? I feel like He's asking me to cast off my plans and ideas of what it ought to look like and learn to simply turn my gaze to Him. In the midst of the trial, the battle, the loving discipline, the faithful conforming of my heart, I can look to Jesus and celebrate His faithfulness and the reality of Him alive in me. Me made new. Me loved by God. Me alive as He is alive!
Will I find my joy in Him or will I look to other things, always seeking my next fix? He's here now…so I'm fixed! I don't need to go find Him in a song or a church or a sermon – He came and found me! Of late I feel Him saying, "Look here! Celebrate what's happened rather than focusing on what isn't happening. Quit with the hoop-jumping and rigmarole and freely receive My love, which I've freely given…and freely allow Me to dispense it through you."
So how do I live from this place and walk this out? Well, I'm experiencing some good friction in my heart as I consider it all, and I'm banking on the fact that God is faithfully working it out within me.
