Crash. It’s strange that the word doesn’t really emphasize the enormity of what it describes. I’m entirely convinced that the ‘shhh’ sound that ends the word deflates its immensity.
In actuality a crash occurs with such speed and violence of force that the noise is overwhelming and all encompassing. That’s something I had the unfortunate fate of discovering firsthand.
I was driving with a friend, headed home from purchasing those few last minute items I needed for training camp when the collision happened. Crash.
To say that it was unexpected is an understatement. I was happily and excitedly anticipating what would take place in just two short days – meeting the team of men and women I’d be spending 11 months living and serving with. My heart was full and I was ready. But in an instant my mind was suddenly distracted from what I had been awaiting for almost 6 months.
The aftermath of the accident was long, and to be honest, not one I’d like to recall. Fortunately there were no major injuries, but I was overwhelmed with everything that needed to be done – including preparing for a week that I was to be leaving for in only 32 hours. I slowly began to dread the trip. I wasn’t prepared and I had so many pressing details that needed to be worked out before I could go. I started to question if I’d have to postpone my race.
But then my sister casually mentioned that my mom was feeling sorry for me because I had been so happy the day before, talking of little else but meeting my old and new squad mates.
And that’s when I realized it. My joy was gone – stripped away from me. Somehow in the mess of details and stress I had lost the joy that had been residing in my heart. I had let circumstances take it from me and leave anxiety and worry in its place.
I’m not sure if my sister realized how her words affected me, but it was at that moment that I decided I wasn’t going to allow myself to lose my joy because of something I had no control over. I began to pray and could feel excitement return. It wasn’t at quite the same level as it had been, but it was a start.
Somehow, with a lot of help from my family and friends, I was packed and ready to go the next morning at 5:00am. I was sleep deprived, with eyes that were bloodshot and burning, but knew that I’d catch up on that during the long bus ride to the airport. My mind kept recalling the events that were still so fresh, but in response I was reminded to ‘take captive every thought’ (2 Corinthians 10:5). The options were simple: to worry and be anxious for the week or to give those anxieties to God and focus on Him and my squad. I decided I would not allow my mind to dwell on the past 36 hours but would delve fully into the coming week’s events. I would ask God to restore my joy and prepare me in whatever way He had in store for me.
He did.
That’s not to say my mind didn’t wonder. But when it did I responded by singing songs of praise to God and reciting scriptures to myself.
It worked.
I don’t have enough time and space to share everything that happened during training camp here. Instead, I’ll leave that for my next post. For now I’d like you to know that whatever’s being thrown at you that’s taking your joy from you isn’t worth it. I’m asking you to focus on God and the plans that He has for you. Life is going to throw a lot at you. In fact, of the 300 or so people who were at training camp last week, 4 had been in a car crash right before leaving. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, satan will put every stumbling block in your way to keep you from getting to where you need to be.
Don’t let him.
Find your joy in God and chose to keep joy in the midst of it. Allow God to fight whatever comes your way and do your part by staying focused on Him.
[‘And now my head will be lifted up above my enemies around me, And I will offer in His tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD.’ – Psalm 27:6]
It’s interesting; the crash is not an incident I’d want to repeat. But, as is the case in all collisions, the force caused a reaction of equal magnitude in opposite direction. The force that came at me was not good. But the result was a joy that’s filled my heart and an eagerness to go on this 11 month journey with an incredible group of men and women that might not have come otherwise.
Crash.
‘Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.’ – Habakkuk 3:17-18
