There is nothing like unexpected disappointment. And I am feeling it pretty heavily right now.
To explain just why I am feeling such a strong feeling of disappointment I have to go back a few months, back to another really bad day. The morning of November 23, 2013 started off with excitement. We were headed to the football state semi-finals for the first time in team history. The afternoon ended in bitter loss as we were one point and 5 seconds away from going to state. My final play of high school football and of football at all season ending, hope smashing broken play. I don’t know if you can tell, but I can still be pretty bitter about it whenever I remember it. On the way home that afternoon, my first car was totaled in a sudden accident. The day plain sucked, it was one of the worst days of my life. The insurance companies denied me and I was forced to move on.
I emotionally dealt with the day the best I could and life moved on. I still couldn’t believe how bad that day was, but I was getting over it. Then recently the opportunity came up for God to redeem that day to me. Or that’s how I saw it at least. My retired lawyer grandfather told me that I could sue the person that caused the accident and get my money back and more. I could get over $5000, which would be enough for spending/emergency money for the trip. It would also give me a small cushion for when I get back. I could also use the money to fully fund my trip, so I would be done worrying about fundraising. It was so clear to me, God was using the terrible day I had a few months ago to provide for me in the future. It made me so excited to see how perfectly God’s plan was coming together. I worked hard on my case, a lot of time rehearsing and anticipating the day that good would come from the dark day. I dreamed of quitting my job and focusing on the race.
And yet I had a nagging doubt in the back of my head. What if it was too easy? What if God wanted me to trust him? I was afraid that God would want to have me trust Him and He would not provide all of the money that easily. I decided to start praying not only that I would win the case, but also that if God had a different plan that I would be able to see it and trust in him. It was hard to pray, but I told God that if He wanted me to lose that I would trust Him no matter what.
Apparently He does want me to trust Him more than that. I lost what should have been an easy case to win. The judge said that I was totally innocent in the case, and that he agreed with every point I made. He said that the defendant won because he wasn’t convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that the defendant caused the accident even though he agreed with me. It was hard to swallow. I have been learning a lot in the last few hours about praising God despite what seems to go wrong. I am disappointed, but I see the loss as God telling me to trust Him. He owns all of the money in the world and I will be provided for. He will take care of me now, on the Race, and when I get back despite not having the cushion of money I was expecting. He also did not redeem that awful day back in November like I thought He would. His plan is much more complex than that, and I am trying to stay in peace in that knowledge. He is a good God, and He knows what he is doing. I am is humble servant, and I love Him. I will be ok, despite the disappointment that I am feeling. I can still be joyous and thankful, because my God is my refuge.
Also, a week from today on June 28, 2014 Bryan Noll and I will be hosting a barbecue fundraiser in Palmer Park at 11 o’clock. Please come out and support us, we will have a silent auction with a night in the Glen Erie castle with breakfast for 2 and a 2-3 night stay in a cabin near Fairplay CO. we will also have food, a bounce house, and a ton of other stuff. It will be so much fun, hope to see you there!
