Our old squad leader Jacob Hoyer recently called it deliverance.
It’s been a long time since I have felt completely myself. Two weeks ago I was sitting in my room at a ywam base sending some e-mails for squad stuff when my friend Tracy told me there was a lady named Alexis that wanted to pray for me. I didn’t know Alexis. I told her i would be happy if she did.
I was sick again then, but had been feeling off spiritually, emotionally, physically, and really just not 100% me for quite some time i guess. Though I may not have been 100% me before the race either at times, I felt that there was life in me that was missing or rather was being overshadowed. I was maybe even a little depressed towards the end of last month. My position as squad leader wasn’t what I thought it would be at times, and I just didn’t want to be in that position part way through Thailand.
I thought that there would be a new season for me when I was last in Nairobi heading into Bangkok with the squad. I thought the Lord was going to restore me to a place of gladness but felt that new season never came.
When I was in Bangkok at the end of last month I felt like oppresion was directed at me but didnt know how to ask people to pray for me. Like maybe asking people to put me in the center of a circle and pray was prideful since I was making it about me. I think pride is a tricky bastige. It was actually more prideful not asking for prayer sooner. I just didn’t want to complain about feeling weak or being tired anymore. And the other part of me just wished that someone would see me and pray the crap out of me without me having to ask for it.
I asked if we could pray outside of my room cause it smelled bad. Not like farts or anything…well maybe a little…but more like sickness.
As soon as Alexis and Tracy began praying for me on the steps outside my room
I started crying. Alexis’ hands were shaking. Tracy started speaking tongues. And i got the goosebumps.
Then the Lord begins using Alexis to break some stuff off of me. Like sickness, oppresion, depression, bitterness, and all these things that were placed on me by whatever or whoever. She begins to tell me who the Lord says I am, much of which i had heard before, but needed to hear again in that moment.
She told me i could let go of the past stuff. That illness will not hold me back any longer. She prayed. Then listened. Then prayed some more. I could only sit there with snot running down my nose and repeat thank you to the lord. I don’t know if i was crying because I was sad, or crying because I was relieved and thankful so crying seemed like the most appropriate expression at the time.
It was wild. There was no way she could have known all that stuff going on inside of me without the Lord. I only saw Alexis maybe twice, both times in passing. Never really talked those times. Maybe a “hello.�
I asked her how she knew to pray for me. She said that she could she the oppression in my eyes. I asked her if anyone had told her I was feeling this way. She said she just knew.
After the prayer Alexis said, “this may sound weird but you need to shower. To clean all of your clothes. To clean you room out. To go eat a big meal with lots of calories. And to get out of your room more.� No quarantine basically. Then she stepped into my room and started yelling “no more! No more.� And started clapping and yelling in Jesus name to send the demons back to hell that were in my room trying to attack me. Tracy joined in the festivities and began praying over the room as well.
Ha. Wild stuff. You can call it deliverance. Call it what you want. I’ll just call it needed.
My life is wild. Only way to explain it. I was having a hard time saying anything in prayer for while and then it just seemed like those doors were opened. Whatever was holding me back couldn’t anymore. Later that day I went back to my newly cleaned room and started crying again. And prayed for a lot of things. But just cried and felt comforted. Like the Lord’s presence was still thick with me in that moment.
Plus my room smelled better
