So we are starting our third week into this thing called the world race. I haven’t done any laundry yet, I have worn the same thing over and over again, I haven’t gotten to talk to family or friends but a couple messages through facebook, I have only showered a handful of times, I haven’t had my McDonalds ten piece (shout out to Markle) in what seems like years, I don’t get much internet access, I don’t have my own computer, I haven’t stayed a week in one place, and I just found out I leave for 2 weeks to go into the Jungle with no internet access. Team Lamp Lighters has decided to jump into the New Testament and read through the whole Bible over the year. We decided to start in Matthew and I have been eating it up. God is revealing meanings of parables and showing His mercy and unconditional love that He has for me and all who are willing to accept it. There has been a lot that has stuck out to me but there are two verses that have became so real to me. “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” -Matthew 10:39 “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” ��"Matthew 16:25 I am losing my life. I am losing my comforts, clean laundry, diversity of food, internet access, phone calls/texts, being able to talk to my family, being able to see them, being able to do the same with friends. I have given up taking showers whenever I want (even when I get them they are most likely cold and come from a bucket), I have given up the ability to date for 11 months, I have lost the privilege to do what I want when I want……I have lost what I have considered life for the past 23 years of life. Why? Because I am clinging to the hope…to my faith…to the word that Jesus said. He said that if I lose my life for Him that I will find true life. That’s what I want. I want true life. I don’t know what that means. I don’t know what that looks like. I don’t even think it is something I can obtain in 11 months. But I want to start that journey. I miss all the things that have made my life what it has been the past 23 years especially my family and friends. But I know that this is more important. This is the only way I know how to lose my life right now and if that’s what I have to do to start the journey to find true life I will. I don’t want to be like the seed that grew in the thorns in the Parable of the Sower (Matthew 13:1-23). Jesus said that seed is like a man hearing the word of God but is too worried about the things in his life that the thorns, the worrying of everything in life, choke him and make him unfruitful. Do I not want those things that have made my life for the past 23 years? Heck yes I do! I want to see family and friends, I want to be able to do what I want when I want, I want to make money, I want to be comfortable, I want to have diversity of foods, I want to be able to throw my toilet paper in the toilet and not a trash can, I want to take warm showers, I want to be able to hug my mother and give her kisses and tell her how much I love her (you too dad), I want to find a woman who loves me as much as I love her, I want those things……but I am not gonna worry about them. The word says to seek first the Kingdom of heaven and everything will be added unto you (Matthew 6:33-34). The Lord knows my desires, He knows my heart, He knows me more than anyone else ever can and will. He will not abandon me, He will not forsake me, nothing I do in His name will be done in vain. So why worry about it? Why let the worries of life make me unfruitful? So I choose to lose my life. I didn’t know that it would be like this at all. I didn’t think it would be this hard. I didn’t realize how much I would be losing and its only week 3. But, I know this is the start of me finding true life. Whatever that means, whatever that looks like. I know it will be worth it. I know God is molding me into the man He wants and I am willing to be molded. So here I am Lord…..I am ready to lose my life…..because I know You are the eternal life, You are the giver of true joy, You give true peace….and that’s something I yearn for. So here I am……..I am Yours………and only Yours………..
