It's debrief! YAY!
We are in the middle of Siem Reap, Cambodia.
In case you didn't know, it's the location of the 7th Wonder of the World – The Angkor Temples.
We are spending a few days here to rest and process and then it's back to ministry.
Oh, and we have air conditioning for the FIRST time in four and a half months.(what what!)
But, this debrief has already been a growing experience in my walk with the Lord.
It's already broken my heart but in such a beautiful way.
Since debrief isn't technically ministry time, we are given a lot more freedom with our time.
And last night, a bunch of the girls went out to get dinner and a cocktail or two.
We ended up in the middle of a bar and just spent some time talking and dancing a bit.
It was such a good time to relax and hang out.
Then . . . I looked around.
And my heart broke.
I watched the people around me.
The people who might have had one too many.
The girls that just wanted to be loved.
The boys looking to get lucky.
The people that were there for all the wrong reasons.
We were a random light in the darkness
and what our light revealed didn't settle well with my heart.
Specifically, there was a young blonde girl.
She was beautiful.
And broken.
I watched for an hour as she jumped from dancing with different guys,
to try to find one who would just love her for the night.
That would make her feel wanted, needed, cared about, even if just for a moment.
I watched as she finally found him.
And he started using her like a ragdoll.
And my heart crashed.
(Erica tried to talk to her but she didn't speak a lick of English.)
Then, I had an interaction with a guy who was an atheist but a philosopher professor of the Christian faith.
We ended up getting in a serious conversation about God,
until he decided to throw all of that out the window and made his real intentions known.
And it just tore deeper into my heart.
Not because he had other motives,
but because he was just as broken as the blonde.
They were just two broken people who needed acceptance.
Who wanted to fill their loneliness.
Who needed love.
As I was processing this, God reminded me of home.
Of all of my beautiful friends back in the States.
Of all the people I've met back in the States.
I found myself in tears.
How often do we put ourselves in those kind of positions just because we want to be loved?
Just because we are sick of being lonely?
Just because we don't know how to handle our hurt?
How often do we allow the ones we love to do the same?
Why don't we say something?
Why don't we step in-between the pretty blonde and the old man?
Why don't we step in-between our best friend and the front door?
Is it because we are scared what it will do to our friendship?
Is it because we are afraid they will get mad at us?
But isn't that worse?
Because that means we are putting our selfish desires above the good of the people that we CLAIM to love.
It means that we are more worried about OURSELVES than we are about THEM.
Where is Jesus in that equation?
We are called to live like Christ, to love like Christ
but we are too scared of hurting someone's feelings to tell them the truth?
We are scared to get messy with our friends or family because then we have to clean it up.
But messy is good.
Messy means that you are making progress.
In my past, there were times when I was that blonde girl.
I just wanted attention from a guy, any guy really, to let me know my self-worth.
I was so insecure in who I was and so broken that
I thought just a little bit of attention would make everything better.
That maybe then I would be secure.
But the next day, I would wake up feeling even more down on myself.
I would wake up feeling disrespected, used, and mad at myself for
looking for love in places where love doesn't exist.
It wasn't until a friend held a mirror to my life based on scripture that I realized what I was doing.
Then, God was able to show me my identity in Him.
He was able to show me my self-worth.
I didn't need affirmation from the world, because I found affirmation in my Creator.
Last night, my heart was broken.
Today, God showed me why.
And I just want to challenge both myself, and all of you reading this.
You see the ones you love.
You see their hurt or brokenness.
You see the decisions they are making that aren't edifying to who they are in Christ;
To who God is calling them to be.
Call them up into that.
Put down your selfish worries that they'll hate you or will be mad at you.
Have the hard conversations.
Make your relationships messy.
This is about their eternal life.
This is about their walk with God.
This is about so much more than the cold shoulder for a month.
This is about their healing.
This is about their souls.
Do what Jesus did,
Put them above yourself.
<3tasha
