I don't understand.
This past week there are have been numerous people that have spoken different things over me. They all align, and make sense… but then, they don't.
Each conversation, or email snipit, would begin with reserved, shy, quiet . . .
And end with . . .
strong, fearless.
Wait . . . what?!
How can one be quiet, shy and reserved but also strong and fearless? In our society those traits don't tend to fall into a similar stereotype.
Have you ever had a moment where you felt like someone was reading you all wrong? Like somehow their perception of you was off?
That was my initial reaction when I read the term 'reserved' and 'shy'. I was taken aback in that moment. I have never felt that I fell into any of those categories. Polite and courteous maybe but not reserved. Growing up, I was the loud(er) opinionated sister. I would talk the ears off of anyone who would listen and my dream was to be a STAR. So . . how did I get from that to this? To a place where people view me as reserved and shy? At a place where I feel as if I'm seen incorrectly or that they are mistaking me for another Natasha?
Perhaps if I am reserved that that would make me feel a bit inadequate for this calling . . . If it IS true, how can a reserved person be used to help others? How can someone who is shy walk as a success in this season?
How can a reserved person go out into the nations?
How can a reserved person make a difference?
Because they are strong.
They are fearless.
There was a moment where I was a bit confused as to how one could be reserved and fearless? How someone could be shy but strong?
Then it hit me.
There's a certain beauty that lies behind silence. There's a level of understanding, wisdom, discernment. There's a moment of realization that perhaps this person isn't quiet, shy, or reserved. Perhaps they are just aware. Perhaps they just observe. Perhaps they know a hurt beyond our assumptions.
Because being reserved doesn't mean you're not strong.
Being reserved means you've learned that it's ok to be quiet.
It means you've recognized who you are in Christ and what He has for you.
And while, yes, I can be reserved. I can be hesitant in certain situations, a wee bit 'shy' when asking for donations or help, maybe a little uncertain in an unfamiliar situation. Why yes, I could possibly fall into the category of 'reserved.'
That doesn't make me any less adequate.
Because I'm strong.
I am fearless.
I have been destroyed to nothing.
And have been built back up.
I have faced fear, depression, hatred, condemnation, and shame … straight on, in the face.
and I've survived.
God has brought me through it.
And has allowed for me to be able to say that …
Yes, I am reserved … but I am also fearless.
And God is going to use me and my 'reserved' self.
Just wait and see.
<3tasha
