On October 9, 2012 I went to jail. It was around 7:30 when a squad mate and I were taken into the prison. We didn’t know what we were getting into and were still trying to hear the Holy Spirit speak. As we signed in I looked around, imagining the individuals who inhabited the cells. They were probably murderers, rapists, and thieves, everything scary. They would probably see me as a target, as a rich white girl with no way to protect herself.
As we walked in the cellblock our head contact told us not to shake hands, pass paper or make any kind of physical contact. I’ll be honest I was scared…
Let me rewind a bit.
Somewhere around 7:00pm they asked for 4 people who would go to the prison. For the past week God had been nudging me to go. Therefore, when the offer was made my hand shot up, I was ready, what I was going to do, I didn’t know but it didn’t matter. Travis and I were paired to go to the adult part of the prison. We were then told that we would have 10min each to preach…
Whoa, what? Neither of us have even a Bible because we were told not to bring anything. How am I supposed to preach with no notes and mainly, no Bible? I looked at Travis, hoping he had an idea he looked back…
Welllll, guess we should probably ATL (Ask The Lord) this! As I called out to the Holy Spirit, kindly explaining I had no idea what I was doing I began hearing the word “Grace.” Ok, maybe I could do this; grace seems pretty applicable to prisoners. I told Travis and he said he got the words “love, David, and grace.” I was in awe of the Lord at that moment, realizing that the Holy Spirit really does speak to us, helping us.
Fast forward to when we arrived in the cellblock.
My heart was beating out of my chest, I was flushed and my hands were shaking. I had a fear of the catcalls and lustful eyes of the men. As we got to the two cells I noticed one was full of women. I decided to focus my attention on them. Travis began speaking first and I started smiling and making eye contact with each woman in that tiny cell. Then I felt God telling me to look over at the men.
“Ha, funny God, very funny. That’s just not going to happen. They have evil in their eyes.” But as he kept nudging me I caved and looked. Immediately my heart was filled with such a love for those men. I looked and saw boys, fearful, hurting, vulnerable boys. God, in that instant gave me a glimpse into their heart. There was no way in my strength I could have loved those men, surely it was only God in and through me.
1 John 4:11-12 “Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.”
When I began to speak I was filled with the Spirit, he gave me a passion in that moment, a realization that I may not be able to speak to them again, that this was the one chance God was using me in their lives. Don’t get me wrong, my hands were still shaking, face still hot and heart pounding but it didn’t matter, the Holy Spirit had something to say. So I began to speak about how they have a heavenly Father who loves them even more than their earthly father ever could. That it didn’t matter what they had done in the past they could be forgiven. To be honest, I don’t remember everything I said and I don’t care. I only pray that the Spirit spoke to somebody there that night.
I was asked to close in prayer but before I began, a woman who spoke excellent English asked me to pray for her. Her name was Sandra and she had been in this prison for 5 months. She said it was a fluke that she was in prison, something was wrong with the documentation of her passport, that she lived in California and was just going to vacation in Nicaragua. She had 7 kids back in California and she missed them a great deal. She gave praise to God because she knew that if she had not been imprisoned then she would still be walking away from God. She has been preaching the gospel in the prison and the prisoners call her an angel from heaven.
I was so blessed by that night realizing how much the Lord moves and loves his people.
