Where we are staying is run by the Matthee family, and is a
retreat/get-a-way for other missionaries; and sometimes just any guest who
wants to stay. They have this amazing vision for it, but there is a lot of work
to do to reach that vision. They are also an amazing couple who has chosen to
make it a part of their ministry to pour into us this month; but more on that
later.
As I have mentioned before, my group is working on building
a coffee shop from ground up. The vision is that it will be a place for anyone
from any background to come and enjoy good company. We want it to be friendly
and welcoming, and also a safe place to hear about Jesus. We have done the
‘getting out hands dirty missionary stuff’ of chipping wood, painting, sanding,
and cutting, but a lot of the focus has been in the planning. Another group is
working to fix up a boat which is planned to be a vessel to bring Jesus to the
people, but while waiting for the supplies to come they have been doing some
amazing work around the hostel. The third group is helping build a
school/church. So yes, lots of building going on. (I wish I could post
pictures, but internet is too limited..T.I.A.)
However, two of the days they stopped us from working, and
held a seminar for us. It was so good. Most contacts think we are these mid-20
something’s who are just ready and raring to go, not realizing that we have not
been poured into the past few months by an older figure like we might have been
used to back home. We work, work, work, but struggle to get filled back up. But
this amazing couple decided to bless the socks off of us by pouring into us on
a daily basis, but also through this seminar.
We talked about being
vulnerable with your team, being united as a team, and individually dropping
our pride. It was a hard two days, but a good two days. Man alive do I have a
lot of things to work on. Let’s be honest, I don’t like being vulnerable with
people…not unless I feel they truly want to hear what I have to say; otherwise,
forget it. I also struggle with pride. Little did I know that symptoms of pride
are not just arrogance like I used to think, but also: reluctance to admit
needs, focusing on what I don’t have, sarcasm, constantly comparing yourself
with others, judgementalism, independence against authority, not being able to
admit my mistakes but excusing myself by blaming others; to name a few. WHOA.
Okay, so I could sit here and be like “Man, I know of a person who is like
____”, or “so and so is definitely ________, so they are clearly prideful”, but
hey, HA, that also is prideful…comparing, blaming others, judgementalism. Nobody really wants to admit they are
prideful. I sure as heck don’t, because that is a hit on my pride…to admit I am
prideful. Man, such a conundrum isn’t it? Guess instead of masking it, we
should work to fix the root, not the symptom, ya know?
What’s the answer? Well, it doesn’t come in a pretty bow if
that’s what you were hoping. It is a heart issue. You cannot just change your
actions but must truly have a renewing of your mind…like it talks about in
Romans 12. We must change our mindset, our perspective, or attitude about life.
Warning: Cliché coming. It really is looking at the glass half full instead of
half empty.
We must work towards humility. What is humility? Well,
according to the seminar it’s a number of things, but one thing that I really
got out of it was that it is not something that happens TO US, but that we have
to HUMBLE OURSELVES. Depend on God, be honest to who you are…if who you are is
not a person of integrity and craving a relationship with Christ, maybe
evaluate.
In so many ways I have so much to work on, but I am thankful
that I even have the ability to work on them. About three weeks ago I almost
died in a car crash, now I am here living in Malawi on a beautiful beach with
great weather. This is beyond amazing! How annoying that I would even for a
moment be prideful, but I am. I have so much to work on, but the beauty is, it
doesn’t matter how much I ‘fix’, or moreover, let God fix, God will still love
me exactly the same as He does right now. I just know that I will bring God
more glory through my life and life will be more pleasant for those around me
if I let God fix these things in me, and so that makes it worth it….not to earn
anything, because truthfully I can’t earn a darn thing. Anything good that
comes from me isn’t from me, it is Christ working through me; and I believe
that.
I want the attitude that even if I look at the glass and see
there is only a few centimeters of water inside, that instead of complaining I
only have a few centimeters, I will be ecstatic that I even have anything
inside my glass, that I even have a glass to have something inside.
